______________*****In nEeD Of MuSiC*****_____________

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Saw her twice... but yet i cant approach her... what is this man?? i hate the feeling when i have to avoid someone in places that i go.. i hate it when i cant enjoy somethings with my friends when that person is around...

the place WTC.. the place where lots of efc pple go... saw her twice... the second time is just yesterday.. or rather this morning at around 12++... lost all the mood to watch soccer.. in the first place i've no interest.. just wanna slack outside.. went to tat quiet places where there are lots of benches there.. i just sat there and tears just roll out of my eyes... prayed.. hard.. and just wish that God will just come and hug me and just wipe my tears away.. SAying of moving on...

its not as easy as you think it can be... because the love is just rooted in my hard.. deeply rooted.. im sorry for saying all those craps... and i dont mean them.. i meant other things.. hAiz..

Thanks for loving me.. thanks for at least trying to let go of something which is so hard for you for that period of time...

And thinking through, i know all that you can hate me for...

and that j is really not me... i just need you to trust me on that... haiz..

what is meaningless to all of you guys/girls?? to me, everything is meaningless.. nothing's new on earth.. i dunno how to explain.. its not that the things that you all do are wrong. but its just meaningless.. i've tried so many things to fill this emptiness after she left..

I drank beer, wine.. i even smoke.. but then smoking doesnt suit me.. so i wont continue. it suck man to know that the things that i do disappoint GOd and it breaks His heart... My heart has really soften till like cake being smashed.. hard..

My first time crying for so many days and so easily.. I just want God to save me out of here, out of all this problems that im in now.. i just wanna go home.. Heaven... but i dont think i have the criterial to get into heaven now.. maybe if i die now, hell is where i'll spend my eternity.. But i just miss God so much..

THank God that He had sent a friend whom i can really confide in.. Keeping all those things to yourself.. Thanks for caring for me yA? All these while listening to all my complainings and its just rubbish because i dont trust God.. Ive stumbled many pple during this time of depression... Nowim stil in this depression.. But i'll start to preach again.. and God will restore my Joy. The JOY OF HIS SALVATION!!!

10:47 PM