______________*****In nEeD Of MuSiC*****_____________

Friday, May 26, 2006

We start out on 4th December 2005. We ended on the 15th of May 2006.

Memories cant be erased. Sadness couldnt be taken away because jovin is my half. She is part of my life... I've been torn apart on that day... I dont know why... I just started crying and crying and crying... Its the worst day, or week of my life seriously because i dint know how much i love her and how much i needed her so much.

No one will understand whats going on inside me. She doesnt understand after so long. I've explained it to her so many times... Asked if she's willing to forgive me, she said ya. Asked if its okay... She said ya... But all this are just words just to satisfy me. I dont understand her... I'm just thinking too far...

You know, i feel like really calling the police regarding to some matters... But i cant. I cant be a loser to that. I cant tell whats happening except for some. I think it has already been spread.

Everytime now when i see couples holding hands happily, i would just feel like crying. I regret of one thing that i did. And then the rest... I dint send her home, even late at night. I dont understand how she feels. I feel lazy after that. I feel bad. When i've decided that i should change my mind about what i've made, i dint get the chance to do it...

I'm always thinking why she left me... There are many good reasons... many... i thought she would be my wife... Why would i cry? Because she is already a wife to me, an important person in my life. I dint treasure it... Now she's even ignoring my message. I cant get use to her not with me now... Its just so sad... Frustrated. I'm now just pondering and wondering what she is doing everyday. Thats a mystery to me...

Why is all that happening...

All of all that had happened, I wrote a song... Christian song.. and i'm decided to write more songs for the Lord..

Whats the point of having a good friend? This is for a friend who has been with me for 4 years now.
Whats the point of always saving you from troubles? Whats the point of always telling you all my problems and you keeping many things from me? Many has told me not to stick with you. I did.. But what did i get? Even till now, hey, you are not a friend. You treat me life shit, like nonsense. You only needed me when all your popular friends ignore you. Doing things that concern me, but yet refuse to tell me. You know, i hate you for that. "friend" To me now, you are not a friend anymore. You wont know why. Because you choose not to know, You choose not to be sensitive...

10:53 AM

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Friends... Who are my friends actually? For me, there are none... I cant find a friend who will wanna understand me. I've been trying to find one.. But when they have new friends, they just go off, forgetting me as a friend.

Why is it so hard to find a close friend? at least one... But there's none.. hAiz..

My defination of a real friend:

1) Will go to you when you are in need, help you under all circumstances.
2) Will think of you when he/she has problem.
3) Willing to share everything with you.

Its just hard...

I dont think anyone will even wanna find a true friend.. They will just go with any friends they have... yAwn..

Leave a place, leave all friends. No one cares even.

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Serving God, Jesus Christ. The True and LIVING GOD. Praise the Lord...

Its hard to serve God... When you think of serving God, temptation come. When you know that something is wrong, it will disappoint God yet it fulfills the flesh, you do it...

I'm like that... hAiz.. I wanna SERVE GOD!!! For the Lord is real.. Hallelujah...

JESUS IS ALIVE!!!

8:53 AM