______________*****In nEeD Of MuSiC*****_____________

Sunday, June 04, 2006

What is my purpose in life... what is it that i am striving for so hard everyday? I have God everyday with me... I know... But what is the meaning of LIFE??? Am i born to just being rejected? Am i born to be torture in this life? IF there is no hell. I would have committed suicide and can go and see the Lord... My heavenly Father... I miss God.. i miss Him..

Everytime i think of what life is, i think of my past, my dar.. I dunno why.. ever since the break up, it just seem to me that im back to reality where evrything seem so meaningless. Maybe its during that relationship i've neglected God, and then just do everything because of her. And now there's so much brokeness.. SO much hurt, so much pain in me. Im standing alone to fight my own battles. There's no one who cares for me, no one who really wanna understand me even when i tried to tell them. No one. There is just nobody who wanna come in my life, to share my burden.

I have God with me... I have... I have most of the knowledge that many CHRISTIANS dont have. But the more knowledge i have, the more sorrows i have too.. The more time on earth, the more i'll just sink into hardships, pains, sorrows. I hate all this.. i hate all this. I always cry out to God... i always do... i wont wanna doubt God because i have experienced His love for me, All that He has done for me.

Maybe i'm like a butterfly still in the cuccoon struggling to come out. But its really painful. Why are there memories. What cant they be erased... So what if its to strengthen me? I wont want iT. I dont want All thESE!!!

Where are my true friends who have been with me last time? Where are those who have encouraged me and all whom i have encouraged? They just disappear. Like Soloman said in Ecclesiastes, nothing is new... Nothing... All is just VANITY and ChasinG after the winds.

Achievements, Goals, Targets, Passion for something. So what if i have achieve all that? Winning a race? I've won something. So what? Afterall it will just pass away like nothing. No one will care about it. Will anyone care about a king in the past who have destroy many of his enemies? NO!! All are just past glories... Its over now and he's dead. Who would care?? Nobody.

Man are selfish... Very selfish. Caring about his own things. But whats life? Life is meaningless..

But i still trust in the Lord God almight who have Brought me out of my troubles, my sorrows, and He's by my side when all had left me. He is my rock and my redeemer!!! Jesus Christ.

God is good even when i m down. I will praise the Lord for He is Good, and He's merciful His love is great and He is WONDERFUL!!!

The Lord bless and protects all. Gives strength to all who are weary in Hearts... I love all of you guys..

Still missing my precious sweetheart...

10:03 PM