JOrdon LeE

2008-07-27T03:49:00.000-07:00

This will be one of the most rare time that i'm updating my blog. wOoHoo..

Went for the Apitude Assessment Test for MAERSK company. Hopefully i will be called for the interview. Went for this last wednesday,23rd July.

For the past two weeks i've been so aimless... Especially weekend. For two saturdays i've been like wandering around doing nothing. Mahjong for the last two weeks as well although it's not planned. When something's not plan, i will always feel quite sian. It's like not satisfied. Well... Think next week will be the same. And next week the boredom will start on Friday.

Last friday was the last day that i will be playing at Riverine. Or rather the whole band. I heard Riverine is closing down due to some reason. Man, there goes my extra income and my dream, Making passion into money. Was told by alvin that probably i will have to play this thing Cajon. Don't even know what the hell is that! how to play? Hopefully there will be some other places for me to play at if not my skill will deteriot like fuck.

Just finish cleaning up my room with serene and changing it's setting. I feel that my room is too small!! Plus the drumset will be coming home soon after riverine close down. I want to buy a LCD TV!! This big tv is taking way too much space man.. and i want a sound proof room so that i can play music any time i want, and MAHJONG AT MY HOUSE!! Everytime i have to go to a friend's house to play... so it's quite troublesome... yAWnz...

Once again there's camp tml.. Back to work every monday.. it's the most boring and the least determination day of all... Sunday. I want to make alot of money!!!! Just let me make at least 2800 by 25 and more than 5000 when im 30 and < 8000 when i'm 35.. Haha... Dreaming!

Well anyway i've updated so pls pls pls.... TAG TAG TAG!!! I know Karen, Weesiang, Serene and myself have been tagging... So, PLS ALL!!! TAG!!!

I love you people!! Everyone except INDIANS!!!

*i'm a racist bastard....! *

2008-06-15T02:32:00.000-07:00

Yet another death of NS personnel... The white hair to send the black hair once again. - Just came back from the funeral of the nsf who went to brunei for training and died during the last day/phase of the training. How sad.. Grand Funeral. But what's the point, life's gone. Well, time moves on. It doesn't wait. BUT!!!

There're actually HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT sIzZlInG Girls THERE!!! Saw two girls who are sisters, and are SUPERB! Nice figures, Big noodies! wOoO! Pretty face! wOWoWO!!!! Going CRAZY!! wOoHOOo!!!!

For once i felt that my life is so carefree last weekends. 2 fridays ago till sunday, Terry, Richard,Karen, my gf and me, we've been hanging out man! After the friday's normal drumming routine, went straight down to terry's house. And i really thank god richard came and fetched us. Met up with Ken too on the same friday as he'd got nothing to do... Haha... Drinking game? Xbox? Movies? Everything man! Just find the place call Terry's Recreation House.

Finally after 3 months of dating, Serene and i finally went out. Not because of our schedule. It's just because i was PLAIN LAZY!! wahahAHah! Went out ytd to AMK hub and watched TWO Movies... Not one but TWO movies.. Shaolin Girl and KungFu Panda. Shaolin girl is really a waste of time. However, YOU ALL should WATCH KungFu Panda! It's damn hilarious! About a panda who knew nothing bout martial art, whose born into a family of DuckS, who then know kungfu because of FOOD! Well, WATCH IT!

Next week is my birthday! And the day after is Richard's birthday! We should've known each other earlier man... Both drummer, same interest, about the same thinking, He's quite passive and im active, WOW! How nice! haha... We're gonna celebrate our birthday TOGETHER!! wOoHoOo! And Karen, together with serene, are gonna DO EVERYTHING! Well there'll be no surprise gift because i've bought all i needed and she'd paid HALF for me so yea... :D wahahAHahAHa! Im really gonna enjoy my birthday this year! After 3 years of boring birthdays that i've manage to get past with. wOoHoOo!!!!

No pictures... As im lazy to take any and lazy to put it online. Have to wait like damn long for it to load.. What a bother...

2008-05-31T03:26:00.000-07:00

hElLo every one! Seriously... I won't blog if no one tag.. so yea.. hAHaha... Even i forgot that i have a blog sometimes.

Anyway, nothing interesting had happened so far. Just that i just bought my FIRST business wear! Bought a Renoma leather shoe, a stupid leather belt, 3 Shirts that my mom bought for me and a G2000 long pants. Im quite happy. Why am i buying it? Just for my cousin's wedding tml. It's quite dumb... But anyway, I LOVE IT!!! wahahaha...

Oh, just remembered that my primary school classmate just passed away. Got banged by a stupid black Merc Van... If anyone who had seen the news last monday, you'll know. He's one of the two motorist who got knocked down... Rest in peace my friend....

When i got my band pay yesterday, i was super happy!! I thought i've only played for 6 times and that'll be $540. But when i got the money, it was $630!! WOW!! It's very cool! 90 dollars more is a super good deal to me! Sometimes when you don't expect much and something just go way pass your expectation, you'll feel damn happy! Haha..

I miss all my old friends. But have been hanging out with nicholas, terry and richard. A good deal of friends who always SLACK, TALK and sprout nonsense. Thats the way man! Friendship will last... WoOo!

Went for drinking after Riverine and lunar with my camp mate and serene tagging along. It's super funny how one of my friend who always talk alot, got drunk and stupidly vomitted in the basin... The janitor was like, "oh great... vomitted in the basin. What an ass..." Well, i can understand how he felt ytd. But anyway, it's his job to clean so... Too bad! Was having fun ytd Dancing, drinking, laughing and talking with friends. Jeremy Ord-ed, Daniel the drunkard's birthday. Alex the super funny boss. and all the ones who came. Just having fun. But there's a superbly desperate fucker who actually went to kiss a tranvesite.. FUCK!! That's alex's female friend's, colleague. A horny philippino. Im like WTF!! Then jeremy pulled me over and hug me to disturb them.... I was SHOCKED!!! Desperate asshole.. just cant stand those who think with their dick head that got no brain.

I just had my hair cut at thomas's house with serene, and both my sister and mom. Serene is out shopping now. Im too tired from yesterday's late night. So i came back first to rest. I'm a lazy ass man... Haha... I need one thousand years of sleep just to party once! Haiz... Heard my band saying bout some acoustic sets which i don't think i will be in. There goes my extra cash... pHewWw~~~

OH! Make me remembered that i dropped my drum stick yesterday at riverine!! Fucking disgraceful! And there's another drummer there whom i hate alot cause he is DAMN HAO LIAN!!! Stupid me.... "Sunday morning rain is falling..." Nice song.. :)

Nothing else for update except i have to wake up early to go to my aunt's place to open the car door for my cousin to come out... ANG BAO HERE I COME!!!!

Thanks and pls do tag if you pass by here... If not it'll be boring.. It'll seem like im blogging to myself. :) Enjoy all the rest of your life and cherish it.. :)

2008-04-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends after one month from the last post. Or, close to two months.

I'm just so fucking tired... Even when i've the time, i just dont feel like blogging.There's just nothing to blog about except for the two vacations that i've got during march. Nothing interesting except i've got a girlfriend and her name is serene! Oh well... Since she'd gone to work and i've got nothing to do, I'll just stop my two good friends who are always supporting this blog by asking me to blog.. Haha.. Nicholas and Wees... Nice people... I'm really sorry that i don't have more time for you guys... But trust me, after a long time you all should know how to treasure me right? Like miss me or something? Cause i miss you people sometimes thus the message that i've sent. Haha... Be like me once in a while man... Sending message out of the blue. haha... Well, i'll try to upload some photos.

These are from Redang.. Just some random photos from all that i've got.

And this is taiwan with my dad and his company just one week after Redang.

And my GF!!

So yea.. thats it i guess.. will try to be more creative with the things that i type. :)

2008-03-08T23:51:00.000-08:00

Monday - 3/3/08

Went to camp in the morning and then went home to sleep in the afternoon as i took half day to go down to jimmy's wedding, my bassist. Was suppose to be there by 6.. but i overslept till 6.35pm and was like late for more than an hour. But when i reach there at about 7.30, the party haven start yet. So i guess i was early. hAha... after the wedding, went down to this cafe name HooHa. It's a place like actors where musicians can just free jam there. Then went home with Jai.

Tuesday. Was just slacking in camp with half dead face the whole day as i was superbly tired from lack of sleep. Zombiefied. And that was a boring day.

Wednesday, went to camp as usual but went for jamming at night. Everyone in the band seems closer now i guess... Sharing things all the times. It's just nice. This kind of companionship is seriously worth spending time on.

Thursday. Another boring day to just slack away in camp with nothing much but just anticipation that the day will end really fast cause friday is like the last day of the week.

And here comes friday. Camp as per normal with quite a few loads of stuff to settle. but as usual, i manage to slack off the work. haha... Went home early and slept for bout an hour then went to bathe. Watched abit of anime then off to Riverine for a time of fun. But when i reach there, there was this sudden fatigue that struck me and in the end i was super tired. Went back to Hoo Ha with Jimmy again. And seriously the people there are seriously adults man... It's way over my age but like.. x2? yea... and drunk people sprouting nonsense, repeating their shit over and over again, and then slept and sleep talk till their heads just knocked the table without them knowing it.. It's just dumb. but its this kind of dumb shit that get people laughing.

Slept till bout 3.30pm on saturday and mokkie came over. Went down to MOS with him, nick, edward and some more friends here and there... Man, at least there are more girls ytd. And it's DAMN COOL!!! haha... but somehow everyone just feel damn tired and we left for mac and slack awhile. And here i am on sunday...

Slept for bout 3 hours.... and now im still up to blog before im off to redang tml with c7, the best bunch of people to hang out with.

So yea... shall update after my trip. =)

2008-02-19T01:32:00.000-08:00

Reach home the earliest of early for a normal day of being in camp. I reach home at 5.20pm when everyone's still preparing to leave the place. Wow... I feel so HAPPY! Don't know why...

Today's a very slacky slacky day for me. However QM seems stress though.. He's my boss btw. Bought nutella and bread to camp for breakfast and some treats during tea breaks and am gonna do that starting from today. Sharing it with my friends. It's the cheapest breakfast. Serious. And at the same time sharing bonds.

Gonna be working on the 6th to 9th March for the I.T Fair to earn more extra income for myself. So yea... If anybody wanna buy cameras, PLS, call me... But it's not confirm yet. Have to take 2 days of leave to work. How weird. First time... Normally other people would take leave to relax... I'm taking leave to stress myself out.. Wow.. Quite nice. Haha...

Can't wait for the Redang trip on the 10th till 13th march! Woooo.... It's like out of Singapore with friends. How cool... Then the following week to taiwan with my dad, for the first time. How nice. Haha... Gonna be broke in march. Anybody wanna give me some money pls? :)

My inspiration in writing songs are GONE!!! I need some inspiration... Too long i've never touch my guitar and too long i never sing... SO it resulted in bad strumming and bad singing. If you've got lyrics that you want me to sing for you, pls do. Haha.. I will gladly do my homework and work out a superb piece. However, you must like it! Yea...

*somehow all the songs i write are for you..

2008-02-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

it's the third day of CNY and i just came home from the second. went over to ah ma's house for lunch then off to movie at AMK hub with my cousins and sister to watch Kung Fu Slam Dunk for the second time. After that, went to My pri2's teacher's house for some small party and off to cheng's house for gambling session. Finally, i grasp how to play Black Jack as a Banker! Must be able to read people's mind and stuff... wow.. cool game. am gonna play so much later at night. Second day of gambling over at Mok's place. So yea, do join in.. lol... Win abit today.. then spent all on cab. So yea, GONE!

Have to sleep already.. hope everyone has got a fun and enjoyable CNY throughout the whole of the 15 days. Hope here's like China, 15 days of off day.. Shiok. Am gonna save my ang bao money for the march vacations.

Happy Chinese New Year once again to ALL!!!

*finally there's a reply after months. Wonder when will the next one be...*

2008-02-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

It's a tuesday and it's boring. No one to go out with, nothing fun... CNY coming in like 2 days but im not excited at all. I just hope that im really busy with music these few days. But no deal man.. WoOoOo!!!

Life is boring... So boring im rotting like shit... 7 more months to ORD and thats damn long! When i haven enlist, it seem so short. BUt... LONG!!! LONGER THAN MY DICK! However, i love my friends there... super fun. Actually without ns, i dont really know what to do. Maybe im studying full time now and that will be really boring. Those working adults always say that studying is better.. But i dont agree.. Because studying is a waste of time and resources.. Books just waste all the trees in the world man! Global warming!!!

Anyway, went to MOS last friday and FINALLY a pretty wanted to dance with me and mokkie is the one who make me realised that by PUSHING ME to her... But, i dint. I dont have the habit of finding girls and dance with them. But when i saw at outside mac after that, FUCK! REGRETTED!!! She's very PRETTY!!! oh man... wasted a chance to dance with pretty girl.. haha... Who cares... Then it's sunday! Suppose to go to JB with nicholas and chanel.. But that NICHOLAS!!! Fuck you! Cancelled due to family stuff.. Then im like rotting the whole day till i suggested that we go shopping instead. So mokkie and me and chanel we 3 went to PS! I wanted to get a jacket and they are actually suppose to just follow. BUT, BOTH OF THEM GOT THEIR STUFFF and i dint... sadly.. wOoo.. The world is so nice. Then we watched 27 dresses. Nice movie. But chanel is too dumb to understand that due to the english sentences that's too overwhelming for her.. hAhah! Chanel!! hAhaha!! Then we went for pool and i won. ya.. haha!

Monday was cleaning up day and i clean up my living room and went for dinner at compass point with Richard and registered for the redang trip with Jol, sean, den, mok, chanel, Richard and me. Ya.. dint miss out anyone right? hmmm.. okay. Then after that later at night went to ice bar to drink. Then im quite overwhelmed. Lousy drinker i am. Yea.. superb lousy. Anyway, woke up today by weihoong's call saying that he wanna come my house to USE THE COMPUTER. damn... I put my phone on silent mode but he's smart enough to call my house.. damn... Then lionel came! to pass dennis something.. that's an anti climax...

And now, just finish eating with wees watching me and im alone now! Left without anyone beside me waiting for my mom to come home after 2 days of work and little sleep.. Gonna give her a hug later.. I think she will scold me for the little effort cleaning.. But well, im clean the whole house ALONE!!!

Anyway... Happy Chinese New Year to all in Advance...

I WANT A GIRLFRIEND!! wOoOoOoO!!!

2008-01-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

It's another year and Chinese New year once again is approaching. One part about the dislike is i have to put on an act, smile, Hello Happy Chinese New year.. The one part that everybody love is getting the ang bao with BIG money inside. Wooo...

Finally get to travel with friends although its a near place... but still passport needs to be chopped. wOopIi... finally... have been waiting to travel with friends for relaxing and a few days trip, finally it's coming true.. haha.. gonna bring my guitar over... sing, relax, chill, play... if can get girls, sex.. haha.. nah...

Tml is my branch lifeday so that means no work, wear home clothes no uniform. it's another day to relax but its stupid cause its on a thursday... friday half day pm off.. dunno what to do also.. gonna cut hair on friday evening then going to Riverine. One tuesday wednesday no work but have to clear alot of mess at home..

I seriously wanna find a girlfriend... which girl can control me pls come.. sian ar.. life is getting seriously damn boring.. more and more.. worst!!! hAiz..

What am i gonna do when i grow up? Heard from people including musician that the music path is.. cannot walk one.. yAWnz... damn bored la... ns.. bored.. at home.. bored.. no girlfriend, even worst... see friend fucking and i haven fuck, superb..

well... just let me enjoy myself during the march period. Redang, Taiwan. wOoOoHoOooo!!!

2008-01-23T05:24:00.000-08:00

Got back from KL and haven got enough rest yet as i sleep between bout 1 to 3am. When my superior is talking, i manage to fell asleep 4 - 6 times. Very professionally done. I dunno how but yea. haha...

Got a new speaker brand KOK at $70 and a new Iron Cobra Twin Pedal @ $300. GOOD DEAL!!! Thank God for my new guitarist Jai whose working at swee lee.. Got me a brand new but 2nd hand double pedal. WooOo!

Gonna watch an anime then sleep already... tak boleh tahan. On friday Riverine. Gonna start M Hotel next month. Yea... Will only get bout $250 for this month cause of the double pedal. But yea... GOT NO time to practise... Sadded..

And FRIENDS, when can we like plan the trip in march? It will reach damn fast and i needa plan my leave!

And i manage to complete ONE SONG!! wOoOo! Song writing is definitely fun man.. try it..

Nothing to say already... Bye people!

2008-01-13T07:23:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 5pm today as i slept in the morning. Went to my father's company chalet at Costa Sand East coast. Saw a REAL BABE and i was like WOW!!! SHe's mix blood. Look like abc. Speak super fluent english. Never got a chance to talk to her as she's married? haha.. Lend my dad $40 to have a small gamble of blackjack and i got back $60. How nice of him to give me his winning.. I mean half. Then they went fishing after that. Sitted there, relaxing. I've always love sitting quietly in some nature park or whatever that make me relax. Like sitting on the rock at night and just let your thoughts run. And without fail, someone would always appear on my mind. She'd been my inspiration for writing songs all the time. But anyway, went down to fusion one to find nicholas and FUCK! I lost to him like bloody 3 rounds of race to 3. I got so pissed off i walked out and smoke. Then he bought mee sua from some 24hr shitty cafe. Then i ate abit la... Finally at 6am we took a cab home.

Finally found a website that i've always wanted to... It's like stalking but not really. "She's always on my mind. From the time i wake up till i close my eyes." This is so well written and the feeling for singing is really marvelous. I should have just thought about it long ago.. Hmmmm... But anyway, just hope you're doing fine...

Just take a look around you, typical couples after breaking up, dont contact each other anymore. No matter how hard someone tries to just keep in contact, if the other half is so fucking gonna keep themselves in a box, there wont be any contact. Some may say yea, i forgive you for your wrong doings. But that's just words. Doesnt mean anything. So i suppose if someone is really forgiven, they should at least be in contact with that someone whom they have forgave.

Now im like stuck onto my computer dreaming. Wanting to write songs but yet the mood isnt there. I crave for more mee sua!!! I have no idea why i always wanna eat mee sua these few days. Just have the kick to eat LOTS of mee sua.. Just ate one bowl of it.. I think im cooking another packet in another few mins.

Anyway for those people who dunno.

*i can never stop thinking bout you. Not for even a day *

2008-01-09T01:52:00.001-08:00

It's a brand new year... It's another boring yet exciting year because im still left with 8 months of national service to serve. It's superbly boring after a super long break since christmas till like last week then work started. So yea... It's like going to school after your one month holiday BUT... situation more fucked. But its not so bad when meeting the colleagues at work after so long. I think we got closer or something. And i've became lazier. Haha...

Last friday i received a call from Tony Goh, the guy who manages my band. He asked me to play for his band last sat at Timbre 2. Man, i was so filled with the excitement and stuff and agreed to him just like that, forgetting that ive to go KL the same day. In the end, i cancelled the KL trip as it's really a really good exposure for me. Everything turned out fine just that i was very stressed up as im playing with professionals... It's the Harley Davison Gang again... This time, i ate their food and it's damn nice! Especially the white sausages.. Dunno what's that. Anyway tony said that i played well... Haha... Am so happy for that.

Went to Martini Firm ytd with mokkie, nicholas and Richard... YEA I FUCKING DROVE HIS CAR!!! hAhaha.. Shiok man... But its only like less than one min. Enough for the excitement especially when you're quite high after drinking and laughing so much. The rain is really heavy ytd... But it clears up the air somehow. It's easier to breathe. So yea... Was like a super zombie today in camp the whole day. Manage to slp only in the after 3.30 because my cpt from upstairs came down and stayed in the office for like the whole morning... Am gonna catch alot of sleep later till tml work.

One more day before the black shit is coming back. Last day of silence...

I wanna find a girlfriend le... Feel so lonely... Need a female companion.... but... No luck.. so yea.. am gonna be gay for the next few years before i get a girlfriend.

So, thats all people... and rmb, Tag more and i will post more.. If not no motivation to blog...

=)

2007-12-25T12:11:00.000-08:00

Wow Christmas 2007. A memorable one.

Party at Mokkie's house on the eve and that was really awesome. Although its the usual BBQ and stuff, everything just feel different for some reason. First was the preparation for it and that totally was tiring. But, it pays off when we were all having fun.

It was the time for FOOD!

For a start it was only C7, Cheng, Mandy and me. Then slowly one by one, everyone just stroll in. In the midst of the food and stuff, we just started throwing water bombs at each other. It was suppose to be a green versus red team. but we ended up shooting at each other... Man i got shot quite a few times.. hAha..

Then it was game time. Acting and guessing. Loser got sprayed by hose, damn badly.. hAha...

Then after that we were just doing our own thing like singing together... Dint manage to get any picture of it.. But anyway, it was damn Fun... We came up with a song called Crucify My Love together with Derrick Neo's lyric here and there. It was really enjoyable to see many people singing together and originals! Haha... It was really fun...

Then it came the number 12. and it was time for Toasting!

It was then the Potluck and everyones' just exchanging present. Got a Billabong Belt from sean and wow, he knows that i dont have much belt.. hAha..

It's really an enjoyable day... I love my friends!! woOHoOo~!

2007-12-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

Many things have just came into my mind and reminission of lots of stuff... feeling damn low...

I just dunno why im always tired... Today i totally MESSED UP at Riverine... Come in at the wrong time, play some funny and stupid beat... Fill ins all fucked... Man, it suck big time... i hate it.. I just feel damn pissed that the stupid floor tom keep shifting away and letting my concentration run like mad.. Fuck it...

As the year's ending and christmas coming, my mood just went down... I hate the end of the year everytime. it reminds me of all the lonely moments i had... and i think i will still be having..

Man i need some love... wOoO... Time's up..

2007-12-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

Friday:

Riverine as usual with DIffErenT crowd. Francis's colleague were there. Many from overseas as he works in Swiss Bank. Know a guy name alan something and Caroline. Chat with him and learnt some french words. French is damn cool man! Sang Wonderful Tonight for caroline because Francis told me she likes it. So i sang! And the crowd was like "OOOOOoOoOoOOo!!!". Tell you people, the feeling was like WOW!!! Haha... Then had supper with wees as he came down alone to find me... how nice of him.. THANKS for your company. :)

Saturday:

Timbre 2 for a gig. Harley Davidson WHOLE LOT came down as they organise a BBQ session there. Before my band starts, it was this guy name Tony and his band playing. THere's this guitarist name Robin.. DAMN COOL! His guitaring is like damn power! Then it was my band's turn and we played. Nicholas came down during the second set and as usual, another company.. If not i will feel damn bored... Shane, another guitarist join us for the gig because francis couldnt make it as he'd got some other things going on. MAN, shane told me to WHACK! So i WHACK! And we all Enjoyed! Was commented by some other better musicians.. "Man you're good." hAha! Feeling good again.. WOOO! Should have take some pictures...

Went down to Actors with the whole lot after that and WOO! Met a VERY beautiful and sexy waitress name Geraldine. Alvin intro her to me... damn... Was suppose to help her play guitar for Hey There Delilah.. But the gang wanted to leave.. so i left without telling her that.. lol! Will go down more often and Practise this song more often.. hAha! Will get her number some day... Yea!

Thats all folks... Join me at Riverine Music and Wine Parlour Every Friday @ 9.30pm. :) Will be drumming there Weekly..

2007-12-06T05:45:00.000-08:00

Man, this whole week is REALLy tiring for me man... although there's little things.. Not enough sleep again! Fuck.. And the most shitty thing is cant sleep during lunch time.. wtf? Damn that black dog...

starting from tuesday: went to joanne's house with mom and sis to learn more bout Vitamins.

Wednesday: Jamming
Thursday(today): Jamming
Friday (tml) : Riverine till dunno what time...

Sat: Timbre 2 also till dunno what time.

Anyone coming down tml? If not it will be another boring day for me alone.. Eat alone, play for nobody, go home alone... Man.. im really lonely. Companion pls sign up by calling me and telling me your coming okay?

Christmas.. Yet another year of christmas.. wooo... Time flies by damn fast.. Eh Peng You.s , where are we having our celebration? Many people are working man... Wees, Dennis and dunno who else already la... Hopefully my friend shane got help me buy liquor from DFS from Airport... Then if there's no celebration, i will drink my time away for Christmas...

WHO WANNA GO BINTAN? 28 dec till i think second of Jan.. hmmm..

2007-11-21T06:43:00.001-08:00

I'm singing this friday at Riverine... PLS SUPPORT!! lol... I'm singing two songs only.. but yea.. COME DOWN TOO!!

2007-11-21T06:28:00.000-08:00

Here to upload some pictures!

This is the hotel im staying at

View taken from the lift area

I came across Genting Tower while walking to the Dim Sum Restaurant

This is the Dim Sum place

And After eating

And this is my room mate Gerrard

And some views i've taken:

Yea that's all...

Am so tired these few days... Haven been sleeping much and whats worst, i can't take leave on friday to sleep because there's some VIP coming and we have to be free waiters... Serving food and drinks.. my.. it sucks.. Well, TOLERATE!

*Surprise coming up for friends!*

2007-11-11T09:10:00.000-08:00

Just came home after a long ride on the coach from Genting Malaysia.. Went up there for a Amway Convention. Man, there's like 4000 over people there who are damn enthusiastic man... The convention was so long the free time was damn little.

BUT, i LOVE the place. The cloud filled surrounding and its like drizzling, very cooling and Foggy. Its damn nice. The cold air is just so fresh unlike the smoky singapore roads... Its like taking a break from the boring lifestyle to a enjoyable one for awhile. I would love to go back again with my friends for some shopping and time off everything in this busy country. FRIENDS, lets take a break together... Maybe Genting will be a good idea. lol...

Will try to upload photos soon.. Am really very tired already and i have to go camp later... See why Singapore suck?? Army waste of time.. Gonna sleep already... bYE!!

2007-10-30T03:12:00.000-07:00

Inspiration just come and go. Writing songs is hard when your mood is bumpy... Can't really write any songs now. When the mood is here and after i pick up my guitar, the mood is gone. Shit man... I wanna write songs... but i dont have the inspiration to do it... sad.. Anyone can give me inspiration?

Was just thinking through...

Its easier for someone whose not a christian to convert into a Christian compared to someone who was a christian and backslide, to turn back into a christian. Because someone who've backslided knew God and they're ashame, embarrass, frustrated, unforgiving and very stubborn.

Life example: Jordon Lee.

Why i don't wanna go back to church... I feel damn weird. Christians nowadays really cannot make it. Its just a lousy and smelly name already. No one to hold on to. The World is SO MUCH FUN. I don't wish to give up on smoking, drinking and doing whatever i am doing now...

I've found real friends outside of church, true friends who are not two-faced, who won't act HOLY, whose humble and superbly friendly.

When you have views of your own, you share it and people aappreciate your thoughts. When you're in church, YOU'RE BEING TREATED LIKE AN OUTCAST! People will think that you CONDEMN THEM. They will MAKE YOU FEEEL DAMNNNN small..... So yea...

Just a thought that i've always wanted to share, EVERYDAY to ANYONE who WANTS ME BACK, in CHURCH.

2007-10-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

It was tiring for me through the whole week.. Slept abit, but still im feeling damn tired.

After work today, went home, watch some animes, rest awhile, bathe and headed down to Riverine. The crowd today was very different from the past 2 weeks when im there. Mostly are the friends of either of the band mates. And ONE asshole really pissed me off when im playing. he actually came over to my drums and used his hand to whack the crash... So what if he's drunk? Get sober balls...

But it has been a great night. New songs, added violinist Shane, playing with those people whom i dunno and the songs that ive never heard before on the spot and DID a DRum SOLO. It was seriously out of the blue but everyone was blown away including myself... lol.. Im happy though for that exposure... now im gonna train myself in new solos here and there, learn new techniques and perfect those that i've learnt.

Well, words can be both comforting and hurting. Many times we speak using our anus... Just fart it away without thinking and spiking people around us... Maybe its one thing that we all have to learn. To think of others no matter who they are or what they've done...

I do think sometimes if im doing things that i like... There're alot of things that im doing for the blending in of friends... NOT smoking and drinking. Its the events. Many times i feel damn left out even till now. And ONLY Music keeps me alive.. if not i would have died of boredom. Maybe im just weird. Superbly weird and crazy... Hmmm.. Any other people who think like me? somehow i doubt so... have nv come across anyone yet.

Yawn... gonna sleep already, its been 23 hours already. 5am in the morning. So yea,
Au Revoir..

2007-10-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

This is my superbly long long long lost friend Jiamin... Became DAMN like a superb thin bamboo and quite out of shape already... Eh what happened to you?! EAT MORE!! IF you no money i treat you!! lol... Anyway pls come often... She came to riverine on the First Week that im playin! What a friend! And thats our first meeting after 1 year plus one thousand. haha...

And this is my best friend Nicholas the crapper.. but yea, truly he's the only one who understand me the best. Without saying a word, he kNOWS!! So yea, he's really a superbly good friend of mine. No other people seriously can understand me like him. Guess we have quarrelled, do bad things, good things, everything in this world under the sun together.. Just that now we've lesser time cause of our different schedule.

And these three are my very very superbly good brothers. Mokkie, Dennis and Wees.. wOoO.. just having all these people as my friend, im really truly feeling satisfied.. No other people can really stand by me so long.. cause im really... WEIRD!! I think so too myself man.. sometimes i can get really crazy.. and i think that im crazy.. lol...

Anyway people, Pls just come down to:

Riverine Music and Wine Parlour @ Robertson Quay EVERY Friday NIght..!! will be playing 3 sets starting at 9.30pm. The place is near to Double O. Or rather beside only. Very near...

When i plays the drum or perform, i always love to do it for my friends... There's no one down last week and im feeling really damn sian... Really.. Got no mood. The feeling of having friends and not having friends when performing is really a big difference... So PEOPLE!!! COME DOWN!! No matter WHICH CORNER OF THIS SMALL DOT YOUR CAMOUFLAGING AT, come down... lol!!

Goodnight people!

2007-10-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

Went for the Jamming last wednesday and found out that i actually know the bASsist! Haha.. Played with him more than one year ago at Swissotel for someone's birthday. But i wasnt on the drums though. Was playing the guitar. Anyway, the jamming was good and thank God for the pair of good ears for music. It really helps alot!

So on friday, went to Riverine Music & Wine Parlour. In my mind i was thinking wow, that place should be big, DAMN big. But it turn out to be a small place? So much different from what i was imagining. Haha.. But anyway, i played for the whole 3 sets with some of the songs ive never heard before. But it turned out DAMN GOOD!!!

It was only an audition for this band to get into this band. And we GOT IT!!! And i dunno why the name INC suddenly just pops out like that. And jimmy the bassist commented " maybe it's Indian 'N' Chinese ". Haha! I really love the crowd that day. They were like cheering after every songs that we've played. Man, it was fun. And it's my FIRST Public Entertainment! Hopefully there will be pay? If not the cab fare is gonna be tough on me. Lol..

Thanks to all my friends who have supported me!! I love you people!!

And Jiamin was there!!! haha! Thanks for coming!

2007-10-07T07:46:00.000-07:00

Its a sunday. And its boring cause i'll have to go back to camp tml. Its damn boring. Just started something like a war in the office. All the storemans and clerks against martin the irritating black shit... Its very easy to understand but yet complicating to think of a solution against him. he just wanna use the smallest of things in the office to complain to cpt alex. Well, if that's the case, we'll just have to work together.. but edmund is definitely outcasted cause he's really damn irritating.

Went to plush, the old momo and old velvet dragon. Its quite enjoyable and i seriously dunno why. but im glad i went because ive learnt how to do some stepping or shuffling. Challenged some people. its quite fun. then met some of my primary school friends outside while i went out for a smoke. then one of them passed me a cheap cigar which tasted like skl. and it lasted DAMN Long! The crowd isnt alot though.

Played at millenia walk last thursday for a charity show and was approached by someone to play for his band in a bar at clarke quay! The jamming session will be this coming wednesday. Hope it turns out fine and i will be able to play for them in the bar this friday. And it will definitely be a good time for exposure and experience. Man, long awaited journey has started abit i hope. career!

And i dunno why but im hooked out this game called O2Jam. Lol... The music is quite nice too. haha!

Anyway, gotta sleep early everyday to prepare for war in the office everyday. so yea..

Thats all people!

2007-09-15T17:43:00.000-07:00

I finally have had a fulfilled, satisfied or whatever good things, weekend after so long. On friday, went to shane's house for BBQ and swimming session. Although its quite sad that some people cant come, i really enjoyed the swimming, and most of all, the companions. Then ytd, went to mok's place for bbq and it was a last minute one. Its some of the left over food that were untouched cause the food is really too much. So we had nice chicken wings marinated by ME, and crab sticks plus some hot dogs and otahs.

Ken was the one, who have always and will always be, the most crappiest person on earth, ever. Crapping around with his words and singing some stupid songs while i played the guitar. Everyone was just occupied by the chattings and the fun times. Imagine flipping your slippers around like rubber and to win, you have to land your slippers at least 50% on it. Its like when in primary sch, we flip rubber. Haha.. Cant imagine him thinking of such games. And played the head touching game also. Damn stupid but its fun!

This is the kind of companions that ive always wanted. No time to think of other stuff because its just too fun, and dont have to worry about anyone getting injured or anything. And the best part, NO GIRLS! I mean if there's girls, she would just sit in one corner because of the lack of topics and one or some guys will just sit around her to keep her company. Already something to worry about. Was laughing most of the time till mahjong at around 4 plus when we came back from a walk. Played catching at a playground! My, it really childhood thing. But every one was just too big size. lol...

Reach home bout 45mins ago, ust finished one episode of anime and heading to bed soon. Its 8.51am Sunday... cool huh? And have to collect mc from shaun in ns to pass to the mc centre. Boring... Well, have to slp already.

*wish to have more of these satisfied days of meetings with friends, more often.*

2007-09-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

What is rage? Its something that triggers someone to do stupid thing when something unpleasant happened. Why does everyone has it? I have no idea.

was expecting something good to turn out. was still daydreaming bout something good. was hoping that it'll be a perfect one. But yea... rage destroyed it all.

one's demon will emerge from deep within when the button for opening the cage to unleash the demon is triggered.

why cant the door be thicker? why cant the button be harder? why can't the demon just stay put quietly in it's cell?

whatever it is, it is still something for one to understand another's "true colour" of the under side.

well, had enough of craps. but time solve it all. the conclusion is out after all. im glad i've not waste too much time thinking but complete other worries in mind.

the dimension of time is really mysterious..............

2007-08-31T12:48:00.000-07:00

Friday, 31st August 2007.

It's RSAF day cum cohesion today at air force school. Stayed in on thursday to prevent getting stuck at traffic as well as get as much sleep as i can for today because work is starting at 630am today. Good time for everybody to spend together.

After that went for my primary school Teacher's day meeting at AMK Hub for dinner at Fish and Co. and movie. Evans Almighty's quite nice. BUt its not worth watching at cinema alone. IF there's friends, it will be good. Good friends i mean. Met nicholas after that at the station.

Went over to hougang mall because mandy said that there's a new pool place there cum drinking place. So we went over there.. man.. its not as good as the places ive been to frequently. but still, i had fun with the people there especially when your best friend's there to chat with you when you've got something to tell. Something which nobody understands except your good old friend.

It seems like the people there were getting drunk and high till they spoke so damn LOUDLY! Well, having fun seems to have noise doesnt it? haha... just came back home and just bathed... feel so good after bathing.. man, nothing beats being clean when you're tired...

Somehow things in everyone's mind have to be cleared someway or another. It had to be let out sometimes if not you'll go bonkers! Thank God for my BEST FRIEND!! Nicholas LIM!!!! fooOoO! Although we fucked each other up so badly, but through crisis we came to understand each other alot. :D

2007-08-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

Just watched a show called Dead Silence with 2 couple and 3 other friends. Ah Cheng, Geraldine, Jolene, Sean, Nicholas, Dennis and Desiree. I don't like ghostly or scary movies! And i don't know why. Everytime i watched it, the image would remain and eventually trigger my sixth sense. But anyway, i love the chilly feeling if im with a group of friends.

At first, the gang would look at me to see if im covering my eyes or what... BUT, Desiree and Dennis were the ones who had been covering their eyes and ears! I was just blocking some vision with both hands but still im watching it through without even being scare! However there's one part towards the end that i nearly peed on my pants because my bladder was damn full and the ghost woman had to come out! But thank god, its kept within.. Superb!

Its the lunar 7th month now and i just don't understand why every year on the first day, i just can't sleep peacefully! But this year's wasnt so scary compared to the previous few years. Its practically nothing and i don't sense a shit! So, don't be scared people! This year is damn peaceful. But wees said he saw something under his house le... hMmM... wanna have a look at it.. lol.. anyone interested?

should i go for the soccer later? its at 8am and its already 3.10am now... Madness.. These two days i haven been sleeping enough! I went for pool session with nicholas and wees on friday night and went back around 4am. But i woke up at 1pm? Its too little sleep! Im just used to sleeping 6 hours for this whole week... No matter how tired i am i just can't fall asleep again till like a few hours later when im tired...

LACK OF EXERCISE!! Haven jog for a few months already. But im not getting fat! Just that stamina dropped like shit into any toilet bowl and Flushed away! fOoOo! Gone, just like that.

*anybody can tell me whats the gossip about? Pls? lol...

2007-08-24T04:07:00.000-07:00

it feels damn fucking sick to be BORED. Especially when its a friday?! ARHG!! Going crazy staying at home and trying to get people out AFTER WORK. Its damn FUCKING TirinG!! TIRED...

Everyone's going their own way... doing their own thing... SUPERBLY GOOD! I love it..! NOT

Somehow, something is going to be broken soon... like the rest of it.. Nothing last forever. Superb true! WoOhOo!

Still have to wait for damn long.. till bout 10 then i can leave home to meet that ass nicholas whose going to church!! Whats so good bout damn church stuff? Fuck.. Just another stupid day of preaching. Probably good for people who dont know bout LIVING good... like me? waHahah!

Any bassist around? Forming Jazz, Metal cum Rock Band.

2007-08-22T03:43:00.000-07:00

How should i start? Erm... Lately, there's someone commenting that i should be blogging more of happy stuff in my blog. and its not just that, some of my friends have been telling me also. But im happy! Just that i dont blog about my own life. Not really my own life. But what im thinking. SO yea... Maybe its the way i phrase it said one of my friends.

Went to Zouk last friday. My original plan was to go to mos with nicholas but no one else was going. So i called mandy and she and some other people are going to zouk! Never ask me lor.. so sad... But anyway, i went to zouk. Its somewhat another kind of a clubbing experience because all ive been to was underage parties which were so SUPERBLY BORING!!! Its damn empty when we entered before 10. Then as it got closer to 11, the place started to be filled with people, LOTS OF PEOPLE! THen it became damn squeezy. Dancing? Dont even think about it. Just stand still. lol

Anyway, that was my HAPPIEST day of my life since any bad thing had ever happened. Superbly true.

and.......... I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!! Nicholas, Weesiang, Mandy, Chanel and Mokkie.
Its the Wei Wei Brothers with Mandy and Nicholas! fOoOo!

2007-08-20T05:14:00.000-07:00

There's comd's call today in camp and its like a grandfather talking non stop. Anyway, my name was called out though because the commander was bringing up some good stuff about the camp and my name was called because i helped with the catering supervisor for the whole of June when she's on MC. And Actually there's another part. But that black devil martin told the commander that it was his WORK!! ITs about this dengue check in camp and i was going round with one of the pest control guy and we found mosquito larvae and pupa. Then martin went to claim credit that it was he who actually went to the opposite car park from camp, and found it... Dont you think its lame?? claiming credit and not feel ashame when many people already knew that he's not the one who did it.. lol..

13 more months in ns. The devil is on leave till next monday and QM the old hag is very stressed up because he rely too much on martin to work. And martin rely too much on us to work. So without martin to rush us to work, we simply slack around and qm became damn pissed off.. hAha!

So anyway... gotta get lots of slp man.. pimples are coming out after some have healed... dont they just vanish?? hMmM.. Any good medicine?

just remember my deal with donovan about forming a duo in drums and bass in another less than 5 years time... will i get the time to even train in jazz?? hmmm.. gonna train really hard after ns. take some lessons outside to gain skills and some gigs to gain experience. need it for career man... guitarist and pianist needed too... whose interested?

2007-08-19T00:56:00.000-07:00

When ever there's any crisis that anyone can't solve, anyone would look for a counsellor to give him or her advice. Advice that's good and you might think that the counsellor's life is very good. However, if the counsellor is in any of his or her crisis, he or she cant solve it well too. The counsellor will look for some other people to talk to about his or her problem. Thats probably one of the irony in this world.

Some what this world is made up of weird phenomena. It makes me think that without this weird phenomena, this world won't even exist. Its the fact. There're many things in this world thats weird. One of it, Love.

Love is something that can be good And bad. Love can let someone do the most magnificant thing on earth or even let someone do the most dangerous thing on earth. Some say Love is wonderful, some say love sucks. But mind to change. Like how the world changes every day, every hour, every minute and every second.

Without changes, there won't be progress. Its the same as Human beings. Humans change regularly at a scary pace which no one could imagine. First you meet this angelic person with good personality, character and attitude. The next, you meet a demon with a heart to kill anyone who blocks his or her path. Although its the same human that you've met, its the heart and mind that changes.

Changes made people NOT realise about the good and bad about another person. Because the change took place at an extraordinary speed. Thats why it creates in anyone the heart to be cautious about almost everything in this world. The wall that won't let anyone into it to understand more of someone. However, change won't let the root of anyone to be stumble. Unless that someone doesnt have a good root for character.

2007-08-14T03:28:00.000-07:00

Any people seriously are into music nowadays? Boy... It's sure hard for me to get people incline to music, who likes music, or into music. For me its hard to get companions who plays music. But for others, it seems easy! And i dunno why... Any of my age peers likes old school rock and roll, or sentimental? Very little... Gosh.. Where have the old school gone to...? Missing!! Somehow, living in the 70s, 80s is good for music.

If anybody wants to form a band for Rock and Roll, Sentimental Rock, Pls contact me!

Just came back from camp. Played a little drums and listening to some music. Somehow forming a metal band seems easy. Timing is easy as its fast, lots of youngsters are into metal. BUT ITS NOT MY KIND! Metal can really kills my ear and mood... Where have all the musicans gone to? Please come to me instead... lol.

Hey, I love all my friends!!! waHahAHahA! Lets name out some since im bored..

I used to have lots of friends.

Nicholas, Mokkie aka Weihoong, Vernon and Vincent. With Vincent gone and vernon MIA. Some times later, splitted.

Nicholas and me, with some other loads of many church friends. After i leave church, Im alone!

Then here comes mokkie and Dennis. Joined their group who called themselves the CHOSEN 7 !! WoOhoOO! Slowly getting to know them. Then it expanded and it became Usual ten without me inside. HOwever im always with them. Then it splitted within.

The Wei Wei Brothers with Wee Siang, Mokkie and me! Then the superbly strong woman came by and she's called Qiang Wei aka Bird. ANd during that period, Wees became one of my best friend. ANd he's COOL and taken. Im sorry..

Then Wei Wei Brothers brought in Mandy. SO we're called Wei Wei Brothers with Mandy!! WoohOoO! Sounds quite funny but COOL!!

On the other hand, i've the other group. They are nameless. But it consists of Alan, Nicholas, Aik Khim, Daniel and ME!! So yea...

Many more friends from camp. Two are closer. they are Justin the funny man and THomas the one who only knows how to cut hair. Cool dudes man!

Anyway... I hate ns... These two weeks tio aim by my QM whose Old... Martin the black is seriously just wanna carry balls.. Whats the point?? HmmMm.. Just carry on with my aimless life that the government have taken away for 13 more months and FUCK OFF to my OWN WORLD!!! Fuck NS by THEN!!! woOHoOoO!!

God bless all my dear friends... THank You..

Change of Skins

2007-08-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

Just changed a skin. Not my kind of skin.. But anyway.. just wanna change to something different and just found this.

Just bought a bending bar to train my chest and any other muscle that's gonna be affect by that. Double Spring. Fuck... its damn hard and i just did three. I thought the usual one is double.. nevertheless, Its only Single spring that ive used before... Haha.. Went novena with mokkie to meet some of my old friends there. Bought this bar and went down to Park Lane to play lan.

Man, Counter Strike is nice when you play a map with friends using KNIFE!!!
Im always at the disadvantage because my team is always the one with lesser people. Played bloodstrike using pistols and we dint really lost badly. But it really pissed me off because all the counter have SHIELD!!! However, nicholas came out with a tactic last minute before going off and we really kill them all! and claimed their shield as a reward.

Hmmmm... WHen can i ever start my studies, music and work? This country is seriously.. FUCKED UP!!!! Why the army? Why the need for degree? Why so materialistic about EVERY THING? Guess government is made up of woman's mindset... Stupid... WHy care so much about papers and complain that our country has got no talent? Why employ foreigners? The truth is we CANT!!! Those who have the talent and support have already migrated to other countries to make their mark there! WHy dont singapore think about this?? Lame country with Lame ruling with LAME people!

Things are in my mind. But i cant seem to know what it is. Complicated minds with simple actions.

Life is a show.

2007-08-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

Life is a show if you all have noticed. Things just repeat in every generation but its difference is the things in detail. But overall, its the same. Every single one of us are actors and actress. It just depends on your fate of the role the "Director" chose for you. Some who are not lucky, end up poor, being used, die early with no good memory. Some who are lucky, get to be the rich men, do what ever they want and have good relationships.

Was just thinking of these when im chatting with my bro nick. Maybe life is just too complicated. Maybe its simple. Which one will you choose? Some have no choice. They have to have complicated life. Living a fucked up life everyday and thinking of when it will end. Simple ones just have to enjoy their everyday life with no worries or trouble.

Nobody in this damn world can be understand fully by another. We cant understand ourselves fully too. Because Humans change. Thats another fucked up part about man. We just have to be cautious of even your friends beside you. He or she might just turn around and bite you in the neck and let you die. Its a game everyone is playing. Kill, or be killed. But i dont believe in this shit. Because its shit. However i dont understand why people have to treat their every day life as a game. Aint it dumb? Its FUCKING DUMB! AND I HATE THIS LIFE.

Is there really a day when people are truly happy? Since the day i was born, i dont feel any happiness at all. Have you all felt this before?

What can really hurt you most is the Feelings that we all have. What kind of feeling? Emotional Feelings. Think about it. Maybe all your life aint that simple after all because you all dont think. hMmM..

*Just some thoughts*

I need alot of time

2007-08-05T09:47:00.001-07:00

Wow.. there're actually people visiting my blog.. hAha.. Now i will make a statement. If everyone who comes in and tag, i will blog. If not i will just wait for the mood to blog.. lol.. Like now!

Just came back from JB after movie, shopping and smoking. It seems like people there are giving weird faces when they sees Singaporean. Whats the big deal man? I will we're still human after all.. Just that not so low class as to rob people, kill people to pass time... And probably their country are just too run down to do anything. Man...

Things there are just so stupid... Although its half the price of Singapore, Its not nice.. The Quality Suck, its pirated, and its made by stupid people. There're no good services... I mean have la.. But man, the standards are seriously... Fucked up.

Lets talk about the food... Service, depends on the person. but mostly like shit. Food, Dungs... Except for the seafood which is like better and cheaper than here.. THink thats the only good thing about m'sia. Fruits also i think.
Another thing is the place can be a good place for people who haven been to kampong before.. The houses there, almost every one is kampong style. Seriously..

Just came back after dinner/supper.. Now im damn bloated and tired. Fuck..

From thursday till sat, ive been to Nicholas's grandfather's wake. Its sad that someone who took care of him for 16 damn years, passed away like that.. And whats worst, you cant even say goodbye. I can understand his feelings. As his best friend and ive seen his ah gong for at least 4 years, i really feel very sad.

Cant even imagine if someone really close to me just pass away like that.. i dunno what i will do... THink i'll cry.. alot..

Well... Life and death is hard to say... Think i will try to write out a song for this.. Any sentences in your minds thats meaningful? Feel free to msg me or tell me.. I will see if it fits.. lol..

Alright.. will see if i have anything else to blog the next time.. For now, Bye..!

God bless all...

2007-07-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

Protection may be the least thing a girl wants. Care and concern, the sincerity is what they're looking for. But whatever it is, its often being misunderstood as OVER Protect. So yea. Suddenly thought of this and decides to jot it down.

Waiting for wees to finish work and mok finish his stupid dota. And then heading down to ice bar for Jolene's birthday.

Happy Birthday Jolene!!!

Anyway... I find that for most birthday after my 18th one, i always find myself drinking.... and thats real bad.. belly is no good.. no time to exercise.. sian ar..

I was late for work today. Work up at 749am and called the black man immediately. Hopefull he wont scold me on monday because he dint do that today.. lol.. and i just pierced my tongue. God bless me and all...

Painful Stories

2007-07-06T11:19:00.000-07:00

I understand the feeling of pain.
I understand the feeling of being left behind.
I understand the feeling of being stuck in a hole.
I too understand the feeling of being in the dark.

I use to be the one encouraging people when they are depress over things and its very easy for me to ask about them. But now, i cant even sort out my own problems in my mind. My mind has become really complicated. I dont even know what i want or what i need. I just feel so damn sick of standing alone without anyone beside.

Now i know why people are writing diary. Its to write whats deep within which you cant tell anyone. Or rather, they wont understand because i cant even understand whats this damn feeling thats pulling me down.

Why? Whats this feeling?

Outwardly, nobody can tell how i feel. What is the feeling deep within the heart. Somehow, i understand the word Depression because i think i have it. Just that im controlling it by laying it aside. But still, problems will still exist if its not solved.

I miss the time when i have so many people beside me whom i can talk to, whom i can share my Joy and Woes within me and share their problems with me. Now i dont even dare to speak when someone is down. I will just ask them to smile. Thats the best i can do because no comfort in the world can really calm the restless mind and heart within anyone.

No matter how exciting life may seems, its still meaningless - Jordon

My Birthday!

2007-06-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well... Ive changed back this old skin because i find that its damn NICE!!

hMmM.. gonna blog from my birthday till today.

I've got birthday off from camp and since morning, ive been getting calls from camp regarding work.. man... cant i get a break even when im on off? shit man.. and thank god ive got off on a friday, so its a damn long weekend... hAha! Went out with Bernice, Mokkie, and Wee Siang. I haven seen bernice for damn long already so yea.. im kinda happy when i saw her. We went to new york new york. so for me mok and weesiang, we waited there for damn long for her.. its like we reach there at 4.15pm, she's still waiting for her bus under her house... so yea.. its damn LONG!! So yea.. when she reached, we just ordered out food.. took a few pictures and then just left for Yishun.. BUT, Im not going to CHURCH!! Stopped going if any of you all dunno. Im a really bad bad person NOW!!! So i scold FUCK, CHeeby and all the vulgarities.. lol!

So yea, i reach my father's place around 6.30pm with mokkie and weesiang. Dennis was waiting at khatib for us... my father had organised a buffet treat for me, and invited his friends and all.. So its like a gangster gathering. NIcholas came shortly after we reach.. and then all the food just slowly disappear.. and my father's friend gave me red packets and one of his friends bought cake from Hilton Hotel for me. Its dAMN NICE!!! then.. birthday song came and then time to EAT!! Its damn nice...

i got 250+++ for my birthday.. treat my friends for pool and then cover charge for next day MOS!

Went to MOS On saturday with camp mates... and.. FoOoO! Got myself drunk and spank some asses of gorgeous girls.. wOo! but then.. i was wasted.. and went home first without them.. hAHahahaha... Its was fun... yAWnz.. and now its monday, or rather tuesday 12.30 am.. talking to nicholas on the phone.. so its kinda disruptive.. lol.. will try to upload pic.. but i fail to take pictures of MOS when im there.. damn.. i forgot... lol

2007-06-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

Create your own Friend Test here
lots of this are going on.. so yea.. here's mine!

2007-05-13T09:25:00.000-07:00

14th May 2007 12.26am

just went drinking over at old friend's place. man... although there's very little people like only 4 drinking, its quite fun. one of my friend really got drunk till he vomitted his dinner. haha~ first time seeing him so drunk. Thats really fun. Just got home. a little tipsy though.. cant really feel myself but i can think. so when im typing this, its quite difficult because there will be typo and i have to correct it here and there.. well.. i had fun ever though its short.

Before that went to eat with two aunties family and my grandma. i dint know its mother's day till like saturday. hAhaa~~ thats really funny.. i heard from my friends that they have to prepare all the shit and they are busy with stuff and then i found out about it.

went to siam kitchen at hougang mall.. then.. i dint really enjoyed it. i cut my hair and i went over because my mom called.. then i got scolded because of nothing. im damn pissed off and i made a decision. i will NOT go for and relative dinner ANYMORE!!! YES!!! im happy about that decision except for chinese new year because there's money to collect. cant wait for that day again. and for that cny, i will save the money. i will start saving money after two months, the month after my birthday and thats july because im gonna spend on drinking on my birthday. YES!!!

Im really gonna enjoy myself.

THe drag of time really brings me down... FUCK!!!

2007-05-05T08:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wish that im older..

3rd of may, i know this older girl.. well.. change my perspective of the people from other country. went out to drink and know a girl. she's nice.. maybe i dunno her yet.. but just the two days is enough to keep her in my memory. i will miss her.

2007-04-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

If you've noticed, im never happy. Not even once. There's always this forceful smile on me which will never last for more than 30secs. I will turn away.

Its just so hard for me to quit smoking because there's no reason for me to stop smoking. Yes, i've lessen the amount of cigarette from 10 to 3 a day. But im just feeling frustrated. And just wasting my life away.

Money is getting so into my head now. I starting to think of earning lots of money now. I want to earn big bucks. I want and need the money so badly. Is it bad? Its bad and good.

and still.. fuck ns..

2007-04-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

I feel so wasted serving two bloody years in NS. Seriously, im getting pissed because i cant do anything these two years. Yes, i can do things that i wanna do. But i cant pursue it with my 100% and that really makes me pissed. Singapore.. Seriously, i hate the government. King of Lamers in the whole world.

Seeing my friend who is able to start his music career, i feel happy for him and feel very frustrated because i dont even know how i can start. I dont even have a proper cert. I jus cant do anything right. I can just waste myself away...

fuck...

29th March 2007 thursday 10.02pm

2007-03-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

Sitting in my little room. Messy yet cosy. This is the place where i've cried in when im sad and punched the wall when im angry. Normally it just comes together. Deep in thoughts.. wonder what's on my mind.

*i wanna get a bunch of good friends*

this is just my wish... i feel very inferior and different from other people... 18yo..

*i wanna go back the the past and change myself*

if there ever come a time when a time machine is gonna be invented, i will be the first to buy it even if i've to loan it from the bank billions of dollars.. i want to correct myself in my old stupid ways...

*i just wanna be able to smile everyday*

why is it just so hard to even smile at things that really makes me happy?

sometimes i just feel like crying.. but i just cant squeeze any tears from within...

why am i feeling so troubled every single day..

[..abandoned..]

2007-03-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

trying to post something because ive post something before this one and it dint appear.. AR!!! iTs on March archive but now on the main~~ lame la... lousy blog...

Confinement, Done

2007-03-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

11th March 2007, Sunday. 8.24am

YEah, ive finally finished 2 of my confinement given to me because i was late for work, or rather, woke up late. But it was fun yesterday. Was just released and booked out at 8am.

Lets start with friday. In work, i was damn pissed off with that black man because he was picking on me. Using a loud voice while talking to me. So being a hot tempered person, i talked back to him using the same volume as he is. One example. He was blaming for not checking the fax machine while mdm is teaching me some stuff. "Eh, i asked you all to check the fax machine every hour right? See la, how you all work?" then i replied saying... "My fault ar?" haha! that was damn funny.. then he walked back and asked me what i said. And i repeated it to him staring straight into the eyes. Then he was like what not your fault? then i told him the duty personnel wasnt me, it was Edmund. Then he walked to edmund and talk to him. And he continue to act like an idiot.. lol.. made me ang and edmund stayed back till 6pm.

And after that, ORD dinner for clement at 8pm at Jack's Place Compass Point. that was a nice dinner because 8 other camp mates were together and it feels like all of us are brothers. Then, Lai, Clement, Ang, Jeremy and me, were deciding a place for drinking because i was underage.. man.. why am i still so young... ARH!!! its only 3 more months to 18 for God's sake!! Went to Cheeky mOnkEy.. wow.. lots of ang mo la.. and before that, Lai said "MAKE ME DRUNK!" hAHa... 4 tequila shots really made him really redish and he vomitted at a pub where Jeremy's friend is working at.. lol.. The pub is call POD, at Telok Ayer rd if im not wrong. Its a nice place to go to, for chilling and for *FlinGs.. lol.. For myself, i had two shots, one Peppermint pernod and half a glass of Long island tea...

i felt very bad because the reason we had so much trouble getting a place to drink, is because im underage!! sian la... yAWnz... but Clement already made plans... As my birthday and his is only like 3 days away, we are gonna celebrate it together at MOS.. but ive gotta pay the Coverage for 4 of them if they are going on our birthdays. Cant wait.. MInistrY oF Sound, im coming!! lol..

Then at around 4 plus in the morning, i booked in camp with Ang and slept there till 748am. Did some work till afternoon, and had fun! There were 4 of us. Edmund, Ang, Ethan and me. Man, i really chatted with Ethan lots of stuff.. and found out that our character have some similarities.. haha.. its hard to find people with some similar things as me.. lol.. then ordered mac at 12am and it came at 1240am. and the stupid thing is, the rider dint give us any sauce and straws.. he forgotten.. but we enjoyed anyway. lol..

then, tuang in the office till like 2am and we all tried to sleep. Because the office was damn cold. Ethan cant sleep very well because its too cold. The 3 of us were like sleeping like a log. Then he woke me up at 6am to accompany him to the toilet.. buddy system.. haha.. then had a cup of milo with him, and slept back till 730am and changed, then book out. Ethan was saying, i think there will be come cab drivers trying their luck at this time.. there will be four cabs.. i was like.. its impossible la.. and when we went outside, there was 6 cabs!! we took the merc cab.. lol.. because it was the first one. and Here i Am!! Sitting in front of my computer typing this blog.. wahahhA.. and nobody's online yet lor.. all sleeping.. yAWnz... think imma bathe and probably going to church later to meet my cousins. yep.. thats all folks!

Enjoy your everyday, Smile and be satisfied~~

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

:)

2007-03-04T06:56:00.000-08:00

4th March 2007 sunday.

Im wasting my sunday away sleeping till 3pm. And every sunday is like that actually.. because ive got no activities. Unlike the past where im happily sleeping early on saturdays because i have to wake up on sunday very early in the morning to go to church.

Am suppose to go to PLCMC just now.. but because that asshole NLWJ asked me to accompany in playing pool until the sunday morning 6.30am. Thats like wow.. damn early la.. then when i reach home, finish bathing, i feel awake. but thank God the downloading for the Wedding Singer has finished!! and i watched the show till 9+ and slept around 10 plus. Woke up at 1130 dunno for what.. i thought its late afternoon already.. haha.. then went over to weihoong's house for mahjong. lost $3.50!! wow.. to me its alot la because i dont gamble alot. I hate to see money being pass to someone for nothing.. lol.. and it flies away damn fast! Time flies even faster than money... shit hole.. tml is working day again.. i wonder what i have to do tml..

No money to take cab already! and tml is clement's last day of work. Leave from tuesday till thurs. Fri come back for ic.. and thats it. He's gone. Then Friday night we're going out. He's treating. Ord dinner... haha~~ They are right in saying. "You should be happy seeing people going off one by one. This way sooner or later its your turn to get off.." how true it is.. but its sad la.. There's bond between brothers in ns lor... yawnz.. but its ok. There'll be dinner time together outside too. haha..

Am gonna slack for awhile then sleep.. Take care people!

2007-02-28T05:50:00.000-08:00

28th Feb 2007.

Man, its been damn long since im so busy out at camp. Doing one thing half way, another thing just came. My sir is really an asshole.. stupid.. Ask people to do this and that. Ask me to clear one stupid dirty store room and that made my nose damn itchy because of the dust. When will he become more caring to his own man?
Edmund got scoldings today. And he really deserves it. For Lying, Peeping into toilet while doing toilet defect, announcing to the drivers that commander ask him to deliver some shit and some lame stuff.

The black man asked us what has he contribute so far. Clement: Jokes. Me: Doing double jobs and some other stupid stuff. And whats more lame. When the black man asked him where is his phone, he lied to him saying that he dint bring it because he was caught ytd for bringing camera phone. Then, someone called him. hAhahA!! and it vibrates and there's sound because of some metallic stuff inside his pocket. We already tried to cover up by not telling. But too bad.. Heaven wants him punish... cant help but laugh. But i wasnt in the mood because i got scolded too for not doing work. But in fact, i had finished all my jobs.

Black: JoRdon, why you always sit around joking with the rest when i asked you to sit at my desk and do your work?
Me: Sir, i had finished all my work already...
Black: DonT come and lie to me ok, show it to me.

Then i showed him.. and he's damn embarrassed.. omg.. if any of you'all were there, you would have laugh your head out. Thats what i like about it. wahahAHa...

And mdm is getting very irritating. Whenever i decline helping her with her stuff because im busy, she would say stupid stuff like.. " aiya, jordon becoming like martin...only do his work only..." and some other shit.. fuck la, im really busy what, cant you see you blind old woman. and now, im gonna stop helping her receive her stuff... fuck her.. the black man already give me the priviledge but "ORDERING" me.. haha.. so im gonna use it against her.. since im just helping her.. now im gonna stop.

Camp really is getting more and more desolated for me. Its becoming a place where it really frustrate me and my friends are gonna ORD soon... its like one next friday and april another one.. shit man.. how am i gonna survive my ns life without getting angry everyday. Edmund is enough to make me angry... and the black is giving me 3 extras. its like wtf la. But im gonna end the three extras consecutively. Friday to monday.. sacrifice one week.. at least i can train my body inside camp.. lol...

I want my freedom.. yawnz...

2007-02-27T02:24:00.000-08:00

2007-02-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

18 Feb 2007, Sunday. Chinese new year the first day!

just read an email from someone. THink its really nice..

$20.00

Sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special- Don't EVER forget it." If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. Count your blessings, not your problems. "

And remember: amateurs built the ark .. professionals built the Titanic. If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

2007-02-17T05:59:00.000-08:00

17 Feb 2007, Sat, Chinese New Year's eve. 10.24pm

Compassionate heart kills yourselve everytime. YOu wont get anything from having that kind of character. THe character that cares too much. YOu will only get something for yourselve. Frustration and the building of anger in your heart.

But whenever i see people happy, i will feel happy for them. And when they are in a bad situation, i will feel sad for them. Too much of this... really... Fuck this stuck in between character of mine. Having Anger and too much Compassion.

2007-02-10T16:51:00.000-08:00

11 Feb 2007, Sunday 850 am..

man.. wasted my saturday away sleeping the whole day..

On friday after camp, i went over to mokkie's house to play mahjong throughout the whole day. And the forfeit that day was to shave your ARMPIT!!! wAHahaha! and i wasnt the one who lost the most. THank GOD!!! Everyone was there before mahjong for some card game. black jack was the first one. And actually i lost. but after that i won back and think i got back a profit of 10cents. hAha! not bad.

then mahjong till morning 6am and i slept for 30mins and have to go to Yishun Safra because of my camp's 6th Anniversary. man.. dint slp the whole day man and im damn shag for that day. hAve to be the timer for the swimming event and those swimmers really wet my pants by splashing water on me while coming to me for the points. haha.. well its quite fun looking at those swimmers challenging each other.. Took a whole packet of snickers home for myself.. wAHahaha!! then went back, and found out that i lost my keys again... stupid.. now i don even know if i've left it at mokkie's house.

he called around 11.37pm last night to ask me out. but in the end he dint call me.. stupid.. and i slept till this morning 830am. haha.. really.. slping too much can make you weak. now im feeling damn soft.. haha..

Friend's O level result is out. THank God mokkie scored 18 points. Stupid schools, started CCA points this year.. Suck la.. how come i dint get my 2 points reduced? Ive got cca also... damn it.. sch really suck.. NS Suck more.. haha.. but i made quite a few good friends there in camp.

Chinese new year is only next week and i haven buy any clothings yet. lol... how how.. and im locked at home because i dont have my own keys.. have to wait till afternoon for my mom to come home first... LAME LA!!! my extra set of keys i cant even find.. dunno where i kept it.. yawn.. WHERE CAN I BUY NICE SHIRTS!!! can anyone tell me and bring me there?? sian...

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-02-08T04:10:00.000-08:00

8th Feb 2007 Thursday.

wow.. today is my first time, SHOUTING AT MY SIR!!! wAhahaHA!!! and i feel superbly happy because i manage to let out few percent of my anger. I shouted at him uncontrollably.. However, it felt really GREAT!!! WoOoHOoOo~~!!!!

Finally i managed to master PIR report after it has been delayed for like almost a month already.. fuck that black ass... Just dont understand why he has to go around pointing middle finger whenever he talks.. HAHA!! i wAS imitating him and i was laughing when he's telling us what to do.. hAha!! Stupid fucker..!

Camp is getting really really boring... everyone of the older batch are gonna go off in like 2 weeks? haiz.. sucks man.. hopefully we'll meet up often outside. BEcause we are not just camp mates.. we are Brothers! wOo... Thank goodness there're a few new people who came in, and aid me in my reports. If not Mr Martin and Edmund will be bashed up by Jordon the Great with His Fist... Although its still swollen.. lol...

am at weihoong's house playing mahjong ytd. WOw, just KANG KANG KANG and i only manage to make a lost of 20 points out of 300. and thats 60 cents!!! wAHahaha!!! just playing for fun la.. i dunno how to play also.. lol...

i wanna organise dinner during one of the days in chinese new year at my house.. Any takers? lol.. hopefully my friends will come and we shall ENJOY each other's Company!! woOhOo!!

Hope to make myself happy during the meet ups... i haven been happy since a long time... just a forceful smile on my face everyday.. yeah..

Thank God you all are really happy... really.. be glad..

2007-02-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

04 February 2007, 11.12pm.

Today is the first day i smoke in my room with no one around. haha!! thats why i like about sunday because no one's home.. well.. its boring because ive got nothing to do the whole day. Except watchin Eyeshield 21. 9 episodes from afternoon till night time.

But had a break because my father came over to help me check out my worn out door thats like gonna crack and my room door. And now, i dont even have that handle thing because its taken out. Spoilt due to last year when my sister kicked it real hard and even the wooden door cracked..

Being a musician is my dream. A drummer in the band, professional band and making it my career. But i cant even find any contacts or any clues of what to study about musician ship.. thats like the most stupiest thing in the world.. Wanting to be one and not being able to find one is like so dumb.. Im like just living in my own world of fantasy thinking of how i will be like in the future.. Shit...

Well... it really suck when your friends around you are having a different interest as you or doesnt really care about anything. wondering whats on their mind... hMmm.. talk is cheap... really.. thinking is stupid. Dreaming is dumb... being a fool... yawn...

when will i find anybody who will lead me into this music world..... ARH!!!!

2007-01-29T05:08:00.000-08:00

29th Jan 2007, Monday. 9.07 pm

Am trying to organise a days during chinese new year to meet up with some old pals in secondary school.. seriously.. i think secondary sch friends are really a great deal man.. compared to other friends from before that and after that, i doubt any can be better than them.. i just hope they will all have the same enthu mind to meet up as i am.. because to me, friends are really something that i really need alot.. because i dont like to be alone.. the feeling of loneliness really suck alot..

hmmm.. so where's the place, the time we will all meet up together again... the bonding of friendship... when will it take place...

2007-01-27T12:49:00.000-08:00

28 Jan 2007 Sunday, 4.48am..

sigh... yet another meaningless week.. there's really nothing worth aiming for... not even my passion anymore... i just cant figure out how those people who pursue their dreams and gets it.. i just dunno how to do it.. i dunno what i can do to achieve my dreams.. dont even know what to do.. am like giving up on this already... really.. its sickening trying to find something to do everytime.. trying to get people out just to waste some time, doing things that are stupid..

am tired.. but just dont wanna sleep.. it literally took me about 15 mins to sleep ytd. was over at weihoong's house till 6am then went home..

Friday's concert was fantastic with my friends all there watching. Im really grateful to them for coming, wasting $10 just to sit there and watch me and my band playing. Although the songs that my band played isnt their type of music, they still come. Omg... haha.. really am happy..
Practising for one month just aiming for this 26th jan's concert, it really was a successful one. now i have nothing to aim for.. nothing to look forward for except my ORD date.. probably after that, i wont even know what i can do..

All i want now is to have a clique of friends who we can really share things, do things together and aiming for one thing, that is to strengthen the bond of our friendship.. but i guess it wont happen to me. i can only watch those anime and dream on.. because its totally impossible.. im always the one trying since secondary school to form a strong clique of friends. but i guess they just dont get it.. or am i the one who aint satisfied? it just dint work out for me to have really good and close friends. because my cliques of friends always just breaks up because of their schedule... who dont even try to find time.. hmmm... but who cares anyway.. through those times, ive already create in myself the "Heck care" mindset.. still building up this wall to block the compassion in me.. stopping the flow of love, care and concern for others... who cares about anything.. who cares about me... so yea.. fuck all...

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-01-25T03:09:00.000-08:00

25th Jan2007, Thursday, 7.08pm

Just came back from work and am eating a bowl of vege now. This whole week haven been sleeping well since last sat after drinking with Clement.. To sell tickets and for rehearsal or practice for my performance tml.. im seriously going to drop soon.. still standing because of band comittement for practise.. later i still have to go.. and i dont have the strength and the state of mind to play drums.. im merely playing using my skills now.. dont even have the energy to play with feelings.. my feeling now is tiredness..

Fuck camp. Fuck ns... FUck thAT bloODy edmund who likes to take mc. Fuck everything in camp. Fuck martin the black. im already at the top of blowing up in camp already.. just because of my swollen knucle, i cant punch the wall.. have nowhere else to vent my frustration on and no one who understands enough to share it to.. fuck everybody. Fuck everything in this bloody world. why cant anyone think? damn turn off by every shit stuff in this whole world. FUCK ALL...

~~FUCK OFF~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-01-19T03:14:00.000-08:00

19 Jan 2007, Friday. 7.14pm

Man~ im really tired of going back to camp already... but that to me, is the best place compared to all saf and RSAF because its super well facilitated and ive good bunch of friends there.. waS damn frustrated ytd till i told that martini that i wanna re vocat..Then he's like, YOU THINK SO EASY TO REVOCAT YOU AR~~! then after that talk to me nicely.. haha!! Stupid ass...

im starting to pity edmund for being so blur or acting blur as he got himself 4 extras.. hAHaha! Almost everyweek there'll be one day for him either for being late or for lying, or, doing things badly.. and for me, i got confined till 6pm tml for eating in the office ytd. LAME RIGHT?!?!?!?!
hMm...

I just wanna write about this girl... seriously.. never fails to come into my mind because she's just too attracting. Wrote in my army book about this lady.. well.. sometimes when things just got into your mind, you just gotta write it down ya?? haha... And yea, its all pleasant comments.. just cant think of any weaknesses she's got. Probably i dunno her well enough.. hMmm...
maybe there's one.. that is she always forgot to call me.. and kept me waiting and waiting through day and night.. man.. its really tiring.. haha!!

WEll laDy, its for you!! hAha..~!!

GOd blEsS all~!!

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-01-17T02:30:00.000-08:00

17 Jan 2007, Wednesday..

man... NS is really making me feel so stressed up already.. because of one who cant work.. AS the time of those who are gonna ORD comes nearer, im really getting very sad.. its not just the fun things that we do together.. its because i will have a lot of work load to shoulder... man.. sucks totally...

i will miss those who are gonna ord soon except for that gay shit... haiz... i feel that i should join ns earlier lor.. then i wont be in this mess.. probably woRsT!! haha.. gonna meet up with clement and probably some others for frog leg porridge this friday i think.. hMmm... are we??

i love the feeling of home now because it feel so clean and comfortable.. quite cosy.. just that it lack one tv and some companies around me. it will be better if there's another friend with me... chatting, sharing things in mind.. dont have to stuff it up like some nut in the ass... dennis just started sch and mokkie working.. shit man... those two are now busier than me if there're such a word.. feeling damn bored everyday just sitting down in my room using the computer alone.. the worst thing.. but its better to stay in camp with martin around... if there's no martin, life will be enjoyable and time will fly damn fast in ns for me.. probably 1 - 2 years will just pass probably by tml.. haha~~

miss all my friends... be gone asses..

God bless everyone..

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-01-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

14th Jan 2007, Sunday 10pm.

wow.. i just clean up my room and change the structure of the furnitures. SHifted a rack outside and moved the computer and its table in. And my room look so well facilitated except for a TV... Man im gonna fix the cables into my room and buy a tv set next time.. but there's no more space cause of my drumset... AR!! lol...

Well, the drums still over at dennis' house so it look quite spacious now.. clean and good for sleeping... gonna have a good night slp tonight.. tml ive got a long day to go because while i was on course, MC king Edmund got into some trouble and got himself confined.. and me ang and him have to sit with Martini the black bandit at his table... dunno what to say also...

I just want to have the time, the chance to know you more... As one of my close friend. :) hope i have the chance...

God bless all..

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-01-14T00:24:00.000-08:00

14th Jan 2007, Sunday. Boring day cause ive got no activities on.. Suck to the core..

Well... was just thinking after i saw a friend's nick.. Music my passion.. oh man... Its my passion too.. but somehow the meaning of it just disappear.. although i still love music but there's no meaning... haiz... i want to regain this passion of mine. Having the discipline to train myself hard in the area of drumming.

NS just stuck me in one corner where there's nowhere to go.. Government suck... why do we have to go to ns and waste two years and during this process, letting all those talented people forgo their passion.. OH MAN!!!! suck...

Im still waiting for a call.. hAhaha!! pls pls. you're two days late already. lol...

God bless all..

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

Back

2007-01-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

13th Jan 2007, Sunday, 12.20am

Yeah, finally my course had ended after one week of lousy facilities and lousy food at Sembawang Camp... And getting so little slp all the days at yishun. Oh man...

Ive got funny clique of friends there at S.C. But some are quite retarded... Well, i guess only Shawn the heck care man, Sun the soldier of the month and Jimmy the small, is the closest i guess.. Oh man, must ask them out one of this days already.

man... been smoking alot the last week cause i have too many breaks.. only the last two days i determine myself to smoke 5 sticks in the camp.. and getting superb heaty during that week. Nearly got a sore throat, and ive got lots of pimple popping out from my face already... ARH!!! gonna have redded face...

Home, the most comfortable place in the whole wide world. Ive got a comfortable bed and a cosy room to slp in. wahahaha...

Went to Jeremy's house ytd with Clement.. Man, HIS HOUSE IS DAMN FREAKING NICE!!! So cosy la! And he's got a basement thats like a lounge. Quiet and everything is sufficient like liquor, a large screen, disco ball and books, and a shooting duck game.. ahaha! then after that, he fetch the two of us home. at the speed of 140km/hr.. man.. i was enjoying the breeze from outside coming in from the open window. Cool mAn!!

THen when i reach home, i was already half dead. Then went to on the computer, bathe, then use the computer.. ahaha!

Was surprised to see belle coming online after me.. wahahaha!! Then chat lor... listen to music. And i just found out house music is damn nice. Clement intro it to me... and i went to download house music and put 5 in my hp and listened to it the whole day.. haha~ man it brings up my mood.. A relaxing feeling i got when i was listening...

and she dint call me today!!! not good ar girl.. you know who you are. haha!!

God bless everyone!

~~PEACE OUT~~
!~JORDON~!

2007-01-02T04:23:00.000-08:00

Oh man.. its a boring day.. cause internet is super slow... caused by the taiwan earthquake... I wonder how earthquake is like... Probably i will go to a country with earthquake and experience it myself. Singaporean are just too blessed or fortunate because its at the equator where seriously, things are balanced. Including the weather. No snowy days or burning hot days where people get freeze to death or dehydrate to death. TOo blessed... Think i am too blessed also that when small things happens like when people ignore you, i will feel so disappointed.. Not a mature state of mind. But really.. ARmy really changes me. Now even when i look at some adult friends, i feel that their mentality is worst than small kids.. Lamers Inc.. Just dont understand why their mindset are set to this kind of stage. Yawnz..

Few days ago... I would feel very happy when she calls or messages me.. just dont understand why... and now.. Sometimes i will feel that it isnt a big deal. She's still human afterall and whats worst, i dont even know her personally.. Haven really know her enough. But she's really attractive. Attracted me the first time i saw her. With her personality..

Its sad to think that i have to go back to camp tomorrow!! Arhg!! suck to the core. And thank God 2006 is over. SInce the start of 2006, nothing had come good for me. Probably for many, that year isnt good either. I feel that 2003 is the best.. But whenever you're having loads of fun, time really flies like nobody's business. Had all the fun i had, doing lame but fun things, that really create the bond with my friends. Well, they are gone now. And there's left only like two whom i can really go to when im down. To really give me the time to share my stuff with them. Really, for this i thank God that at least He hasnt take them away.

Good part about tomorrow. MR MARTIN'S ON LEAVE TILL NEXT WEEK!! WOOHOO!! and everyone's back! at least i dont have to care about that gay sergeant. Fucking use his rank on me. Come on la... Rank in camp doesnt mean rank outside. Lets talk outside. Fucking gonna ORD come and give me all the shit. Fuck off man bitch. Even your dad knows you're gay. Faggot shit... yuck... If i got a chance, i will just give him a hard punch, One hard enough for him to turn him back to a normal GENDER THat He's bORn to be... Lame ass..

woOHoOo!!! Clement's back. Yeo Yuan Lun's back. Ang's there. wow.. gonna have load of fun time from tomorrow which is wednesday to friday. waHahahAHa!! And Mani ORD already.. Shit that Ord bastard. And when March comes, Clement's gonna ord.. sian la.. April Ang ord.. and i have to stick with that MC/bLUr king for 2 years! And november, YYL is gonna ord.. there goes all my chatting mates.. sian.. Well, Life's like that. Lame ass...

Gonna have a GIG for my sister's concert on the 26th Jan.. Hope Mokkie and the gang are coming.. haha..

~~Peace out~~ Jordon

2006-12-24T15:19:00.000-08:00

Its 0719am in the morning of the so call christmas day... Dint sleep at all since eve of that day.. ytd went out with weihoong, dennis and two other ladies and we catch a movie at PS. Night of the museum.. man, its really amusing and its really creative of the writers and directors of the movie. Not a bad movie.. If you haven watch and are deciding on what movie to watch, this will be quite a nice one.
After that we went to orchard to find liwei they all. Man, on our way there, i was sprayed all over my head! FuCk thOse pEOple. And while walking down the stairs wisma towards orhcard mrt, someone just slap me on my chest and told me, "hey dont push la"... im like.. Fuck la, im not the one pushing la. Knn, make me damn pissed off la. When i turn around, he's like walking another direction and i cant find him at all la. If i had seen him behind him, i would have punch him on the face, Straight into his specs. MAn, it will be a hit man... Damn those idiots who dunno how to think.

In the first place, i have no wish of watching movie with they all... but i guess i got no choice.. Wanted to go home after movie, but just dont feel like it. Then in the end have to follow them and get sprayed... lAme day...

Im really happy that she finally called after being missing for like 2 days... i dunno why.. Her phone seems to hate my number. Always when i message her, she cant receive.. its like doTs!! lol.. Funny.. but at least she called me.. :) am just satisfied la...

Its a lonesome christmas this year. A boring one. A damn lame one. A meaningless one. Stupid... and now while im posting, those girls are like screaming inside the room.. Wonder why they arent asleep yet.. Stupid people... hahaha¬ thats all.. i hope you guys have fun... and hope she's happy all the time... better than before... :D:D:D:D:D

CHeERs to All...

== Peace out== Jordon

0726
25/12/2006

The year is ending...

2006-12-20T02:00:00.000-08:00

Life has been so dead.. just going clubbing like just ytd again because of some reasons... everything is just fixed and im longing for something more than these.. I just dont understand why those people dont feel empty.. Are they stupid or something? They are just too simple minded. TOo simple until they are superb stupid! I think they are really stupid... Because they just dont think about anything... i wonder why..

Im all alone again.
Staring at the ceiling
I thinking of the past
That flies by so fast..

I want to go back to those time.
When i can, have all the fun that i have.
To be with those that i care.
I guess, its a lonesome christmas this year.

A new song i guess... Was at my camp super early around 6 but cant slp. So all those just flash through my mind...

Im glad that one of my friend is turning to God again... Praise the Lord Jesus... Even though im not a christian.. I miss everything. I miss God... My Father..

2006-12-15T02:39:00.000-08:00

Belle and ME ^.* !!
Kellie and Belle~
Kellie and Me!

continuing of some photos!

2006-12-15T02:08:00.000-08:00

Monde Gusto 14th Dec 2006 DXO NIGHT!! Rocking my world abit... hAHa~~ That night was fun although till the last part i stopped dancing cause im thinking of some stuff in midway after something happened.
Wow... I feel like taking up some lessons on dancing.. haha! I feel so paiseh when i dunno how to dance. And somemore in front of so many people.. haha~
I dont understand why people go there to dance with girls for guys and girls just want guys to touch them... its like so stupid la.. Making a fool out of yourselve and enjoying yourselve while getting taken advantage of. Stupid girls.. haha!

Well, i know some new friends there like Belle and her crew friends. That night was fun! Went to mac for dinner, and then for early breakfast at 5am after that. Think im emotionally attached to something already.. haha... but its a secret. lol.!

Life is a bore

2006-12-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

Life is a bore.

Seeking new things to do everytime. Because i get sick of things easily when its repeating... Even things like eating... Im tired of eating, drinking and playing. Finding new friends here and there. But there isnt one who is true. Its just superb empty everyday, every min every second. Im just happy seeing others happy. Sad when they are sad and pity those who are being bullied of are suffering...

Why do i have this compassion? Why do i feel so bored everytime? Why am i feeling so sad and disappointed with no satisfaction?

I know the answer... but i dont have to courage to do it.. I dont have the boldness to ever stand again... I just dont dare...

Why is there only one way to feel joy? Happiness is short man... it seriously is... Im always just following what others are doing, as long as they are happy.. but im not... Not any bit.. and it sucks.. I hate this life.. I hate everything...

Its just blank, Darkness... No laughter no nuts... I really envy those people around me...

God bless them...

Army Life/ Confinement.

2006-12-04T03:00:00.000-08:00

Army Life/ Confinement.

FINALLY!!! Im out of camp after 3 dAyS!!! But those days when im in bunk, although boring, but its very exciting and fun because there's very little people. Me, two of my colleague and 2 R.P, all 5 of us form the SisterHood!! lol!! Its superb funny la. The R.P is like so damn Brave la. He actually came to my office today and tell my sir, Im looking for my friend.... I was like shit man... lol! But cool!

On saturday morning when we report to camp, im so damn tired. The first thing after reporting was to go straight to bunk and slp until lunch time. After that we sat in the Pass Office for so damn long. Then went back to slp again. haHa~ Its like One day One packet of Cigrette la. So i tell myself i dont wanna smoke for the next few days already. Although today i smoke one stick. lol~

Saturday was quite boring.. Then it was sunday. That was when we know No Problem Tham and Looney the joker. haha~ And guess what, this shift of R.Ps except the two, Are SUPERB GARANG! HAte TheM likE shiT loR. Dunno how to take care of friends. Only know how to make enemies. Stupid boy. So childish la. Cant stand him. Sum Wei Liang.. Stupid Air Force School R.P. lame...

Morning, after breakfast, we went for a short basketball game. Then when it was cat one, Tham came over to ask us to stop. But he join in... haha!! Then this Contractor Ong Eh, he shouted EH RAINING AR!! haha... Then we stopped. Then it was lunch time. Went for a smoke then went to take out lunch from the office. Went to bathe and then LuNch toGethEr with Tham at the tv room. Then after that we sneak into the Gym. Man, it was great man. I over stretch my limit and my whole body muscle is aching like crazy now. But its worth it cause i can see the growth of my muscle throughout my whole body. And I CAN actually do ONE HAND PUMPING!! 10 TimEs LA!! haha... and One hand Pull up and two finger pull ups.. hAha!!

Man NS was fun. Then it was night time already.. That was when we saw the scary thing. Me and ang are the only two who saw something just near us. lol~ But we kept quiet until the next morning. Chatted the whole night till 5 plus am then slp. And guess what?

WE WERE LATE TODAY!!!! AND i think we tio another confinement again.. haha!! But well, its all worth it and quite fun. It isnt as scary as what other people say it was. lol! Have fun all my friends!! Army life is fun and BORING at the same time... haha!!

Look away

2006-12-04T02:46:00.000-08:00

Look Away

Well, you called me up this morning
Told me 'bout the new love you found
I said, "I'm happy for you.I'm really happy for you."
Found someone else, I guess I won't be coming 'round
I guess it's over, babyIt's really over, baby wooh
And from what you're saying, I know you've gotten over me
It'll never be the way it used to be
So if it's gotta be this way
Don't worry, baby, I can take the news okay

(chorus)
But if you see me walking by
And the tears are in my eyes
Look away, baby, look away
If we meet on the street some day
And I don't know what to say
Look away, baby, look away
Don't look at me
I don't want you to see me this way

When we both agreed as lovers
We were better off as friends
That's how it had to be
That's how it had to be
I tell you I'm fine
But sometimes I just pretend
Wish you were holding me
Wish you were still holding me
I just never thoughtThat I would be replaced so soon
I wasn't prepared to hear those words from you
I know I wanted to be free
Yeah, baby this is how we wanted it to be

(CHORUS)

If you see me walking by
And the tears are in my eyes
Look away, baby, look away
And if we meet on the street some day
And I don't know what to say
Look away, baby, look away
Don't look at me
I don't want you to see me this way

If you see me walking by
And the tears are in my eyes
Look away, baby, look away
Don't look at me
I don't want you to see me...

Well, you called me up this morning
Told me 'bout the new love you found
I said, "I'm happy for you.
I'm really happy for you."

-Chicago

2006-12-01T03:59:00.000-08:00

One More Try by A1

Could be your eyes, could be your smile.

Could be the way you freed my mind.

Your precious touch caressed my soul.

You gave me everything I need, and now I'm lost. Lost forever.

[Pre-Chorus:]

Lost forever, and you said this is going nowhere, girl.

And you said I turned my back on.

You said I'll not the only one for you.

Please give me one more try for the sake of our love

Let's give it one more chance coz I can't give you up.

I can't live one more day without you in my arms

I could never find another like you.

Could be the lies, could be my pride.

Could be the days and nights so wild.

Could be the times I wasn't there. And all the nights we didn't share, and now you're lost. Lost forever

[Pre-Chorus]
[Chorus]

I can't sleep, I can't live without you by my side.

So cold, so lost without you as my guide.

You made me realise I've nothing, nothing without you.

[Chorus]
Baby give me one last try

crAppY dAy

2006-11-28T06:07:00.000-08:00

28th November 2006, Tuesday

WoOo~ CAmp waS fun today without mArtinO the lAtinO. Lol~ hE went for operation. And its super relaxing today! but sucks man... He's coming back tml la... Well, we had our fun time in the office... lol..

Today is like walking day.. So lame la.
As usual, Mani, Yuan Lun, Clement and me share cab home. The difference is that the taxi driver is superb Arrogant and Proud. Cant stand him la.. He actually drop Clement off 3 BUS STOPS AWAY!!! hAHa..! Clement was like so damn pissed off and while alighting, he was like pointing middle finger at us. hAha.. Then i got home, dint bathe first cause i will be going out later. I ate the noodle my mom cook and went to rest. Then cycled out to meet clement for smoke.

and FUCK!!! My bAck gear became loose and the whole bike just cant move! And i have to push my bike back for the second time. The first time was when a bloody banglah blocked my way and i have to like avoid clashing into him and TADA, my tire banged onto a kerb and my back tire go pOoF~! Then have to push it to Dennis' house... And i think the screw came out while i changed the tire at dennis' house.

But the funny part was for the past few days it was okay! and it always broke down at the same point. Just that it was further today. It was at Hougang C.C . The last time was at the swimming pool. lol~ And was talking to clement on the phone while walking home and we were saying that Thank God the bike dint break down at East Coast park or Changi. lol~ His friend's bike broke down at Novena church and he had to push all the way to AMK, CARRYING!! lol~ Thank God for me i cant push... hAha~

Am eating noodle now and then im gonna slp. Gonna push the whole computer table inside my room someday because my sister is really irritating me with all the shit like shutting down my computer when im sending my friend some files...

TATA, hope to see all my good friends someday~ mIss them alot.. God bless all!

Bored

2006-11-27T03:44:00.000-08:00

Hmmm... I was superb free after so long of tiredness from camp and going out. Although im still very tired, i dunno why i bother to go and play around the template of this blogspot thing. lol.. Its quite fun.. MY SKIN IS SUPERB SIMPLE AND NICE!!! AND BLACK!!! lol... Make myself de hor.. not bad for a computer dumb ass.. lol~~

Is my picture on the About me? lol.. Hope it is.. waHahaHahaHa!!

ME

2006-11-27T03:32:00.000-08:00

Am just trying to load some pic. This is mE!! Quite a few months ago before enlistment. lol

2006-11-25T10:51:00.000-08:00

Its 2.44 am on sunday. And im at mokkie's place. Am suppose to be slping cause im tired.. But everytime i go to somewhere comfortable, i just cant get to slp because too much things in my mind for me to think about.

I use to tell people that its better to have something on your mind than a blank mind, which is daydreaming and you cant be bothered with anything around you. Well... I still agree to that.. But just that sometimes you just gotta spend the time thinking resting...

Life is just full of pretence. Even myself. My mindset has seriously changed. I dont know how it change.. I just cant be bothered about some stuff. Mostly lame stuff which people use to laugh at something which is not funny. Is this the so call mature mind? Maybe in the process..

I use to be so damn childish about my thinking... But after i got enlisted, i see a different me. Compared to last time, im not as lazy as last time. Maybe sometimes when im sick like these few days. hmm... Sometimes i just need a friend like everyone else is hoping for. I used to have friends which i can really call them Friend... But it seems like even time can take away all that because of stuffs that i dont really know...

My life is quite confusing but yet simple because there really isnt anything exciting. Its very plain and its easy to understand. But my heart is messy.. Hmmm.. Whats life... its seems so boring... Or rather, its really boring... Just cant stand the boredom that i have to live with everyday.... With phobia at home, and phobia of loneliness. Im always trying to just go out with anyone.. Even those whom i dont really know... Who dont even understand what kind of person i was...

17 this year.. and i have seen quite abit... But there is still many things to learn.. But i guess its enough for me. Trying everytime to make someone happy even if it makes me really turn off... Maybe i should just make myself happy.. lol.. or sometimes i wish that they can think of what others are thinking of how they feel.. I just dont get it...

going to smoke and slp already.. gonna relax my mind...
good day friends..

and If you're really troubled with things and need someone who can understand you, why not approach me? :) not harm trying. God bless all¬¬

2006-11-07T05:52:00.000-08:00

Things on my mind..

I've always wanted to know whats the meaning of living.. There's just something that missing in my heart.. Constantly.. Everytime when ive done something which i want like buying stuff, i dont feel the sense of satisfaction. Even after my wallet and handphone was found..

What do i need... I dont have a fulfilled life.

Just saw something while browsing through some stuff.. Suddenly i feel a deep fear and sadness just pump up from my heart.. i dunno whats that feeling but i definitely know what it was.. i just closed it immediately..

I need someone. Someone more than a friend. Someone who will listen to me all the time.. someone who will console me and really care for me. Is it too much? Maybe im just thinking like some big asshole..

Thinking of what clement said... A Peace of Mind.. Is this the so call maturity in this world? Something that will keep you alive even when you're alone? I just cant live alone.. I need lots of companions. Really good friends.

Often i envy those people who have really good friends because i dont have...

Probably its God? But ive tried it... I dont feel good.. maybe i just dint serve Him well enough thats why.. There's a hole in my heart. What can it be to cover it so that i will feel satisfied.. Whats going on in my heart... Trying to be cheerful, crazy and all... Its just bullshit.

Trying to pretend my way through... But i cant pretend to myself. Sometimes i wish i could and just maybe pretend until the day i die...

Where's heaven... It seems to be a place thats really difficult to go to... When your heart is just abit off, Hell you go... yeah.. its really hard..

How can i have the peace of mind....?

What?

2006-11-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

Lol~ there's nothing to say actually. But since its been so long since i blog, i will just blog for fun for once..

Hmm... Since thursday, i haven been having enough slp. Cause weihoong aka mokkie came over at around 2+ and stayed until 3+ to 4. Then early in the morning about 6, i have to go camp already.. haha.. was like a zombie in camp. Then after camp, i just came home and just eat my favourite and most memoriable food. Dry Ban Mian. About erm.. 9 to 10, went over to mokkie's house to slp. But its also quite "early" la. ABout 2+. dennis is suppose to wake me up at 3 to go for supper!

When i woke up, it was so bright already. I was like blurred for a moment.. Then i rmb i have to go to camp. Its seven in the morning already. Haha.. just brush my teeth and then ran outside to take a cab to camp. Was worst than the previous day. hAha~ then stupid mani act his rank as a corporal and shouted at me. Then i scolded him the pussy word. lol~

Its friday la.. Then went back to yishun to get my handphone back from my father. Ate there at the coffee shop. Then went up to my aunt's house to bathe. Went o 925 to meet up with some of my friends and went to bugis for pool. Thank goodness one of them drive. So i went over to mokkie's house again cause he needs some refreshment. Then i stayed over again. lol~

Today sat, went over to dennis' house for Serene's 21 birthday. I just somehow create a song for her. and she said it was nice! haha... get it from dennis if you wanna listen to it. Was quite bored there la..

Saw this girl name deborah.. she was attractive man.. but its not time yet to flirt around or for any relationship craps... Just not ready and im not working yet. So yea... lol~

Now at home.. quite bored.. mAn she's really all in my mind. Another girl not deb.. lol~

You will never know how much you love someone until you two are separated.
Cruel but true....

God bless you people~

2006-09-05T11:17:00.000-07:00

fOoO~ bAck froM mAlaysiA toDAy!!! wOoHoO~

yTd went to find andy to chop passport then went to meet hamster. can see andy was super bored. hAHa. because he's only interest is CDs!!! hAHa.. jK~ then went to toa payoh and he bleached his hair and dyed it. fiSh mAn, waited for 2 hours for him. then in the end i also cut.. foOo~

TodAy's trip consist of andy, tak chi and ME!!! wOOHoo~ went through all that crappy paper work at custom and finally, mAlaysia JohoR. Serioulsy, when i first step into Johor, i was quite scared because the people there are seriously dangerous looking... wAh~~ BUT ITS DAMN FUN!!!

went there at 4.30 or later ar cause tak chi have to work earlier on. walked around that bloody johor for super long and not one decent short for shopping except that city square. wTf lA. Then eat three times cause nowhere to go... tour until we're familiar with that place.. hAHa~ then at night before going back, at seafood~ AlOT!!! fOoO! fISh, prAwn, oYster And vEge...!~

befoRe tat buy cigrette first,the brand is Semphoerna. It's like a fire cracker when smoke and the filter is sweet.. cOol. its quite light and i loVE it cAusE i cAn tAhAn~ hAHa... then went to buy some cheap shirt and some CDs~ fOoO~ then andy bought a cap, i bought two shiRt. niCe mAn.

bEfore goinG bACk custom we went to buy cIgaR, smAll onE. tAste like normal cigrette though.. i bought 7. Andy took 2, gave my friend 2, left 3 wanna give my lAo pEh. must treat him cigrette ar... hAHa... thEn AFter that at cuStoM tak chi tio catch and nEeD to pAy tax for one stupid box of cigrette. mE and andy chiong out of that custom when another side of the counter* iS chAnginG shift. hAhaH~ fUNny SiA.. THen we share cAb bACk to sinGapore~ fOoO~

WenT hOme bath then cycle to finD WH to pass him somethings then cycle baCk. And thEn upon reaching my house, there is this police mAn strollinG arounD. Scare me like hell cause i have cigrette in my pocket. UNDERAGE AR!!! fOoO~ then i just turn before my house and saw 4 moRe police cAr. whAT the hEll~ then there is this police surrounding plastic thing. forgot what its call. And lOw And bEhOlD~ I saw a dead man lying beside the long kAng. fucK... he committed suicide. then i just cycle some distance away and look. whA.. what i saw was freaky mAn. This mAn, body lying bEside a drain like ( ;- ) . head facing the drain and leg at the car park. fUCk, hIS heAd iS smAshed into hAlF~!!!! fOoOo~~ thATs likE so freAky ar.

then i just cycled home the other way and watCh LONG HU MEN!!! fOoO~ bouGht thosE at Johor... buT itS all in cantonese so i can only understand abit. yAWn.. And fOoO~ aS i waS typing this, i forgot that im boiling some water to cook noodle. itS went dry and the pot became blACk!!!!! shIT... nOW hAVe to wash it...

so, whoever wanna go johoR neXt week give me a call~ fOoO~ cAusE im going in again nExt weeK~ tAtA..

And thE housefly in my blog, you are so damn sarcastic and pls know your place... yeAh.. thAt wiLl really help alot... you know who are big mouTh.. foR noThing wanna be so lame for what.. have i offend you somewhere?? hMmmm... i dont think so.. unless you are still thinkinG about the past.

ByE houSefLy~

2006-09-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

"It should also be stated that genuine believers can never totally and forever abandon God in their lives (1 John 3:7-10) since God’s life continually exists on the inside of them and will keep operating in some measure throughout their life by manifesting fruitfulness (Phil. 1:6). "

This is something that i've found online... I just went to yahoo and searched "Why do Christians Backslide".http://www.bereaninternetministry.org/Papers/backsliding.doc

This is the website.. hmMm.. seriously im confuse about alot of truth. This question, Have i really been a Christian all those years? I dont think so. Im just putting up an act because of the title Christian. WHy do i have to pray for other, why do i have to encourage others when they are down? These questions... Have i surrender to God in the first placE? I have not. And i dont know how. All the while ive been doing things my way... what the heck am i doing all those while... iTs crAp... What does it truly mean by being a christian?

God... God... God... How to see God? I wish i can see God because that'll mean that i'll die. Wont that be good? Haiz... How nice it is to feel God's presence. But yet cant see Him... Sometimes i doubt alot. But i cant show it out because i will stumble many people and confuse them.... What the heck... yeah...

Am i a genuin christian? If im not, why do i miss so many things? Why do i still think of God? ARhg... this is messy... How can i put all my love in the past to GOd alone? I dont wanna love humans anymore.. as in relationship... mAyBe beinG alone is cool... i just wanna feel God's love and embrace... but yet its hard for me.. i cant understand anything... today is sunday... but i aint going to church... its 4am now... this is the second sunday im not going church.. I just feel so lost in church. Feel like a fake. Feel like a crap. Arh... life is such a bore... Life is such a pain... I got nothing to live for...

sian...

2006-09-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

these few days is just boring la... those people from HK are only coming back on tuesday... what the hell... siAn~~ when to katong to play pool with two friends 2 days ago at night.. shiok sia.. before that went to eat frog porridge with hamster and his girlfriend at serangoon.. mAn its really nice... oOo~ will go there again next time. haha... woOO~ boRinG..

ytd went to play dota with weihoong and those seng kang people then went to sean's house. am like the outcast there cause its not my clique.. yea... so i sort of went outside to smoke and just stayed outside for quite long.. they are watching bruce almighty. then outside on the other side of his house, there is this guy whose playing the guitar.. playing christian song man.. then im just singing outside too.. feel like crying all of a sudden but the tears just wont come out..

am i still thinking of her everyday? i dint even know until one friend just say stop thinking of her la.. you got to move on. if not you cant do anything.. i just cant deny the fact that im really thinking of her, without me knowing it because its just so natural for me to miss her.. i wonder why.. dreamt of her just ytd.. arhg.. sometimes i just hope that i can stay in my dream forever.. because its really.. my life.. her smell is also very real man.. hAIz... why... shit everything in the life man.. its just so tiring and stupid..

feel so weak everyday... feel so tired everyday... feel so lost and empty everyday... i just wanna die...

2006-08-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

bEen lying on my bed since 4 or earlier.. but i just cant get to slp.. until like 5am now..
i just feel a sudden feeling of lost-ness. i just wonder why memories just start to flow back one by one...
it really sucks when there're super good memories but you cant hold on to them forever.. and its like the opposite situation as compared to those memories.
i just cant imagine that i'm being bless with so many good friends and those people around me. but i've lost them just like that..
hAiz..

memories... memories...

my mind just keep thinking about them when i dont want to.. because it can really make me cry... feeling so lost.. feeling so empty.. whats life man.. whats friends.. whats family..

what good does it make to follow my God... i cant even follow Him well... ARhG~ such a failure.. im sure God is crying for me... all the while being so disappointed because of someone that He love so much.. how can i ever comprehend God, how can i even comprehend the meaning of following christ... bACkslided piece of shiT...

doing things that really puts my body down... is it worth it? whats the use of knowing but yet cant control it... nobody really cares.. thats the problem... because i dont hAVe a goal, or i dont live for anyone. thats why i dont really care.. i use to live for the person i love, controlling myself.. but now i dont have.. and i dont live for anyone.. whose my target..? its painful... seriously...

2006-08-26T03:33:00.000-07:00

When you are chilling out with your friends, there must be liquor and cigrette. Lacking of either really bring down the mood. wooo~

Was chilling with a good friend under his block ytd. Only smoking.. No water no nuts... what the heck.. we slAck until 7am in the morniNG.. hAHa~ before that go katong play pool. woo~ shioK.. at least i did not lose too much to my friend. pro sIA..

One of our topic is this... its about girls la.. we are talking about the mindsets of guys and girls. when guys say that they dont like a girl anymore, they will still think about the girl and miss her alot.. but when girl say dont like, she practically dont care about that guy anymore... yeah.. i agree this to a 100%. cause i've experience this like twice...~ hMmM.. maybe its because we dunno what those girls are thinkiNG.. but all the girls that ive met and my friends gfs, they are all like that.. hMmm~ what man... this is so sucking.. its hard being emotional beings. so im gonna take away those compassion in me and play tough. But its hard too... but its better than being too sad after something happens.

yEa, enlisting on the 18th sept 2006. oOoOO~ hAVe been waiting for this day for super lonG...finally... NS buddies, IM COMING!!!

I dunno why some bloody gays are scared to go ns... and mostly are older than mE.. hAHaha.. they just cant accept the fact that they are in ns... gAY shit.. fuCK oFf to malaysia la...~

HavinG no confident with myself... hMmM... but its okay la.. at least its sort of cool to be abit self centered sometimes... To hell with all idiots in this world...!!!!

2006-08-25T05:04:00.000-07:00

yTd waS the bANd prAc.. its a thursday.. went to katong shopping centre to play pool myself first before going upstairs for jamming. Its kinda boring because that kind of band is not my kind of band... hAiz.. wOoO~~ boReD to death everyday... yAWn...

Have been playing pool since monday, the whole week.. Haha.. today stayed at home cause many have gone to other places. wOoO... i've got nothing to do sia...

This full week of pool is kiNda crowded because we've all made new friends. that stupid guy wanna borrow money.. doTs.. no money still wanna go chiong.. go and die la.. hAHaha.. but can tell that he's bored cause he keep messaging me asking me and my friends to go out.. doTs.. but he's not our kind of friend la.. those girls also damn noisy.. diAoz...

i want a fight man... so enthu for a fight. oNe of my friend wanna teach me hoW to fiGht
woOO~ cOol... byE. noTHing to say liao..

2006-08-23T23:47:00.000-07:00

woOo~~ iM liKe so damn tired now... having stomach pain now because while eating steamboat at a friend's house ytd, i was challenge to drink a cup of rootbeer plus a small bowl of chili. cRAp siA.. hAHa~ buT its quite fun la... oH..

before yeSteRday, went to liquid kitchen again~ wOOO~ dont hAve to pay a fuck. cauSe before that we've bought a bottle of barcadi and the mixer is FREE!!! wOo~ shIoK siA..

know this stupid guy whom i thought that he's damn big. buT shiT him siA.. so hum ji.. tio tAi chi still need girl to help him solve. i nearly tio cause that stupid counter girl heard us talking. and thAT counter girl is the paikia girlfriend. a fuckiNG biTch. buT dont hAve lA.. Dunno why.. but if tio i will be damn excited at the sight of that person's blood oozinG ouT.. oOo~~ shioK siA.. hAHaha...

itS been like 3 days straight that ii've been poolinG.. wOo~ shIOk.. buT dAmn tired.. yAwn.. later still have to go for that stupid band practise... suCk ..

its been like almost a week since im online~ maybe online awhile when im bathing la.. dint know my fans came back and spam my name again~~ hAHaha!! fUCk you chEebY... come find me la fuckers.. hAHahA~~ im always prepared and you better be prepared cause if i find you, i'll be so damn excited to see blood coming out from either me or you.. yea... fuCknUt, come look for me le.. im damn borEd cAnt you see.. And you are damn bored too right? fUCKing chEeBy kiA.. your mom is a bloody cow~ yeAH.. fUCk..

2006-08-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

first lets say about saturday and sunday. These 2 bloody days that ive to work. Shit... until im like so damn tired... I've flat foot, both, and both really hurt alot after walking for hrs for these 2 days.. suCks mAn~ whAts worst. 2 stupid indian wanna at punk sia... if the boss is not my aunt's friend, i would have punch those indians... shiT thEm badly..

Today is tuesday 1.13am... coooL~ MorniNg i went for pool with 2 friends... then after that at fusion we got to know about 5 to 6 new friends ar... 1 is the counter girl and the rest is her friends. they are like so bloody lame can... hAhahA... lOok so old but yet so childish.. wOoOo~~ suppose to go clubbing together.. but they went to cineleisure. Then after that 2 of my friends, one of their girlfriend and we went to liquid kitchen for drink at serangoon garden... hAHa.. one of my friend nick "LamEr", lose a game and he has to drink something.

The game is like this. Cover a glass of barcadi + coke, "burben" cokE... with a piece a tissue on top with a rubber band with a five cent coin on top, and then burn it with cigrette. and when the 5cent coin drop inside, that person have to drink the thing with those cigrette ashes. hAha~ itS likE so damn fun lA...~ hAHa.. I lOSt the firest round cause i thought the next person is suppose to drink the thing if i can let that 5 cent coin drop in.. stupid mE.. hAha~

buT then after that "lAmeR" lOSe 2 RouND straight~~ hAHa~~ hE's likE damn piSs LA.. HAha~ then the 4th round my friend's gf lose and she have to drink it. Then lamer lose agAIn~~ hAHaha.... yeAh...

And thats monday~~ wOoOo~~

today, later at about 10+, im like going to repeat my monday agAIn~ hAHahA... buT with more peoplE i THink... wOoaoOo~~

cOoOL....~~!!! +D

2006-08-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

its like 445am now, saturday...woO~~ I slept ytd at 5pm and woke up at 3am.. how cool... hAha.. watching bleach and eating two packets of myojo mee and a cot fish. now im like so damn full.. haha..

hmmM~ its quiet in the night, or early morning and i really enjoy this silence. I can like think about lots of things. What i wanna do in the future, and the past memories. Sometimes it do hurt alot... haha..

It seems like after i left that place, i make friends... hAHa.. funny thing... and they are like pouring out their problems... wow... i feel so good as a friend whose not seen by them.. how cool.. haha.... CONTINUE!!! haha... cause im like so free to listen.

There are many things in this world thats so weird... Like us, being made by God. Thank Him. But sometimes i really don like it at all.. ITs so painful to live in this world.. ouCh..

Things that you really like can really become the things that you hate alot when something happened. mAny thIngs in life.. I've learn so many things during these few months... Super lot.. haha~ Miss many things... Lost many things... haiz... Thats the painful thing... and it takes a very long time to heal.... wooO~ Guess i understand others better now.. but yet i dunno how to encourage anymore... ~ yAWn...

But to those people who are losing your faith in christ, dont lose it because its really something that you cant affort to lose. Because of Christ... :D

God bless you~

2006-08-15T03:06:00.000-07:00

wow.. for this past two days ive been like sleeping in the morning and waking up at 6pm~ wOoO~ its seriously a waste of time ar... but even so, i dunno what to do in the morning. unless im practising my drums and guitar.

Read a blog article that was written very long ago... whao.. that really makes me damn sad and angry... i still dont understand what ive done... hmmM.. but nVm la..

Im Still finding my clique of friends~~ I WANNA FORM A BAND!!!! AR... why is it so hard to form a band... who around me plays instrumentS? juSt tell me ar.. haha..

yAWn... jUSt feel so boRed evErydAy... no purpose, no nothing. I dunno what im living for..

buT i ve got a plan~ Thats to set up a JAmMing studio cum cAfE next time. stupid government waste so much of my time... Ar... shit...

WoOo~ nothing to say liao..

2006-08-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

I hate people who do things their own way. What they think they thought they know. I swear that if i know whose that J. , and these two person who tagged. They will be dead. Especially J...

_=>HatReD<=_

2006-06-25T08:06:00.000-07:00

For many times i thought all was just over. As in those craps.. But then when im starting to get okay, memories just bring me down. Im just a fallen christian. Hey, NOT GOOD!!!

The Lord is good.. Praise the Lord.. Went to FCBC on sat for the Heaven's Gate Hell's flame. Those people in the drama really reflects some of me... Those going to hell.. yeah.. Lots of excuses when they reach the gates of heaven and then saying that they have reason for sinning.

The ones of take drugs.. Its peer pressure. One who lost her love ones.. The Psychics says there's no life after death, EVolution or something. Crap.. And those who go heaven, rejoicing all the time.. PRaise the Lord..

During the scene when this woman hugged Jesus, i cried.. Because im thinking in my mind of when will be me who will be hugging Jesus Christ.. Thats a prayer though...

Having a thought in my mind.. How can i grow? Thats to return... Backslided... But i wanna serve God. But then it seems like there's nobody to guide me. I need someone... Someone spiritual...

Now i understand what you mean... Dont understand.. yeah.. been a fool for quite some times... hAiz.. how i wish i can turn back the clock.. But then it seems like its all in the plan.. But i really wish to be like the past... Without mistakes... hAiz..

The Lord is my Shepherd!!! Praise the Lord...

2006-06-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

Saw her twice... but yet i cant approach her... what is this man?? i hate the feeling when i have to avoid someone in places that i go.. i hate it when i cant enjoy somethings with my friends when that person is around...

the place WTC.. the place where lots of efc pple go... saw her twice... the second time is just yesterday.. or rather this morning at around 12++... lost all the mood to watch soccer.. in the first place i've no interest.. just wanna slack outside.. went to tat quiet places where there are lots of benches there.. i just sat there and tears just roll out of my eyes... prayed.. hard.. and just wish that God will just come and hug me and just wipe my tears away.. SAying of moving on...

its not as easy as you think it can be... because the love is just rooted in my hard.. deeply rooted.. im sorry for saying all those craps... and i dont mean them.. i meant other things.. hAiz..

Thanks for loving me.. thanks for at least trying to let go of something which is so hard for you for that period of time...

And thinking through, i know all that you can hate me for...

and that j is really not me... i just need you to trust me on that... haiz..

what is meaningless to all of you guys/girls?? to me, everything is meaningless.. nothing's new on earth.. i dunno how to explain.. its not that the things that you all do are wrong. but its just meaningless.. i've tried so many things to fill this emptiness after she left..

I drank beer, wine.. i even smoke.. but then smoking doesnt suit me.. so i wont continue. it suck man to know that the things that i do disappoint GOd and it breaks His heart... My heart has really soften till like cake being smashed.. hard..

My first time crying for so many days and so easily.. I just want God to save me out of here, out of all this problems that im in now.. i just wanna go home.. Heaven... but i dont think i have the criterial to get into heaven now.. maybe if i die now, hell is where i'll spend my eternity.. But i just miss God so much..

THank God that He had sent a friend whom i can really confide in.. Keeping all those things to yourself.. Thanks for caring for me yA? All these while listening to all my complainings and its just rubbish because i dont trust God.. Ive stumbled many pple during this time of depression... Nowim stil in this depression.. But i'll start to preach again.. and God will restore my Joy. The JOY OF HIS SALVATION!!!

2006-06-15T14:12:00.000-07:00

Just read something that really hurts me. But because of that, i'll move on.

My guess was correct... old lover... yeah.. know you'll be reading this.. so this is for you.

Thanks for spelling it on your blog.the new one. I've read everything about me. Yeah, every girl that i date, they are just blind in choosing me. 5 months, it has been sweet. Its cool. I love it. When you love someone, yeah you love them so deeply.. But i can tell you arent letting go... Thats why i dont have the sense of security with me. But anyway.. its over... and i dont have to look for answer anymore... Cause you've told me yourself indirectly though. Thanks for everything, for telling it to others too.

And ya, Rachel is just a drummer in my church. So what if she is nice and beautiful? You also dont understand me at all... Yea, both sides.

But i can say that you are really nice to me during the r'ship and i thank you so much for these five tormenting months for you, with you by my side. I just dont wanna quarrel anymore... I dont want any "after breaking off" sickness when we cant even be friends... I really dunno what made you hate me so much...

I'll try to move on... Will stop destroying my life now. Thank you...

My journal of pain stops here.

2006-06-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

weihoong's house BBQing... wow... it sure was fun.. yeah... but to me, its meaningless anyway.. Its just something that i do because im bored... i dont really enjoy myself.. because not one is anyone closer to me compared to last time.. all my friends are gone. even her..gone forever. And smoking and drinking... i sure can drink alot.. but i cant smoke.. just felt dizzy.. so i wont get hooked and i dont intend to smoke anymore... it just suck..

thursday night... saw her so happily... while im by the side watching her, being hurt inside. and its like so near yet so far. i cant approach her.. i cant talk to her.. so whats the point. It really breaks my heart. Ive backslided. trying to find new meaning... But God is still real...

So Lord, when can i return to you?? Im always thinking about dying... i dont wish to stay in this meaningless world anymore. But if i die, where will i go? I wanna worship God forever, not burn... so when.......................................

im missing her like crazy everyday... But yet...

2006-06-12T22:04:00.000-07:00

thInking for so long and combining everything together... i think there's no love in the first place.
Im just a buoy that leads you to the shore once again... i dunno why im thinking so much.. i dunno why... whats there for me now... hAiz..

God where are you? hAiz... He's here... but i dunno why i just cant go back to Him... backsliden christian now and i hate it... when can i get back to God again? ... hAiz...

2006-06-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

Why Dont i just diE????

Wont it be better????

Then there wont be so much hurts, so much sorrows. No misunderstand. No more problems in TRUSTING!!! SomEthiNG which is so imporTAnT.

Then there will be begging for another chanCE.

Meaningless life...

2006-06-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

What is my purpose in life... what is it that i am striving for so hard everyday? I have God everyday with me... I know... But what is the meaning of LIFE??? Am i born to just being rejected? Am i born to be torture in this life? IF there is no hell. I would have committed suicide and can go and see the Lord... My heavenly Father... I miss God.. i miss Him..

Everytime i think of what life is, i think of my past, my dar.. I dunno why.. ever since the break up, it just seem to me that im back to reality where evrything seem so meaningless. Maybe its during that relationship i've neglected God, and then just do everything because of her. And now there's so much brokeness.. SO much hurt, so much pain in me. Im standing alone to fight my own battles. There's no one who cares for me, no one who really wanna understand me even when i tried to tell them. No one. There is just nobody who wanna come in my life, to share my burden.

I have God with me... I have... I have most of the knowledge that many CHRISTIANS dont have. But the more knowledge i have, the more sorrows i have too.. The more time on earth, the more i'll just sink into hardships, pains, sorrows. I hate all this.. i hate all this. I always cry out to God... i always do... i wont wanna doubt God because i have experienced His love for me, All that He has done for me.

Maybe i'm like a butterfly still in the cuccoon struggling to come out. But its really painful. Why are there memories. What cant they be erased... So what if its to strengthen me? I wont want iT. I dont want All thESE!!!

Where are my true friends who have been with me last time? Where are those who have encouraged me and all whom i have encouraged? They just disappear. Like Soloman said in Ecclesiastes, nothing is new... Nothing... All is just VANITY and ChasinG after the winds.

Achievements, Goals, Targets, Passion for something. So what if i have achieve all that? Winning a race? I've won something. So what? Afterall it will just pass away like nothing. No one will care about it. Will anyone care about a king in the past who have destroy many of his enemies? NO!! All are just past glories... Its over now and he's dead. Who would care?? Nobody.

Man are selfish... Very selfish. Caring about his own things. But whats life? Life is meaningless..

But i still trust in the Lord God almight who have Brought me out of my troubles, my sorrows, and He's by my side when all had left me. He is my rock and my redeemer!!! Jesus Christ.

God is good even when i m down. I will praise the Lord for He is Good, and He's merciful His love is great and He is WONDERFUL!!!

The Lord bless and protects all. Gives strength to all who are weary in Hearts... I love all of you guys..

Still missing my precious sweetheart...

2006-05-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

We start out on 4th December 2005. We ended on the 15th of May 2006.

Memories cant be erased. Sadness couldnt be taken away because jovin is my half. She is part of my life... I've been torn apart on that day... I dont know why... I just started crying and crying and crying... Its the worst day, or week of my life seriously because i dint know how much i love her and how much i needed her so much.

No one will understand whats going on inside me. She doesnt understand after so long. I've explained it to her so many times... Asked if she's willing to forgive me, she said ya. Asked if its okay... She said ya... But all this are just words just to satisfy me. I dont understand her... I'm just thinking too far...

You know, i feel like really calling the police regarding to some matters... But i cant. I cant be a loser to that. I cant tell whats happening except for some. I think it has already been spread.

Everytime now when i see couples holding hands happily, i would just feel like crying. I regret of one thing that i did. And then the rest... I dint send her home, even late at night. I dont understand how she feels. I feel lazy after that. I feel bad. When i've decided that i should change my mind about what i've made, i dint get the chance to do it...

I'm always thinking why she left me... There are many good reasons... many... i thought she would be my wife... Why would i cry? Because she is already a wife to me, an important person in my life. I dint treasure it... Now she's even ignoring my message. I cant get use to her not with me now... Its just so sad... Frustrated. I'm now just pondering and wondering what she is doing everyday. Thats a mystery to me...

Why is all that happening...

All of all that had happened, I wrote a song... Christian song.. and i'm decided to write more songs for the Lord..

Whats the point of having a good friend? This is for a friend who has been with me for 4 years now.
Whats the point of always saving you from troubles? Whats the point of always telling you all my problems and you keeping many things from me? Many has told me not to stick with you. I did.. But what did i get? Even till now, hey, you are not a friend. You treat me life shit, like nonsense. You only needed me when all your popular friends ignore you. Doing things that concern me, but yet refuse to tell me. You know, i hate you for that. "friend" To me now, you are not a friend anymore. You wont know why. Because you choose not to know, You choose not to be sensitive...

2006-05-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

Friends... Who are my friends actually? For me, there are none... I cant find a friend who will wanna understand me. I've been trying to find one.. But when they have new friends, they just go off, forgetting me as a friend.

Why is it so hard to find a close friend? at least one... But there's none.. hAiz..

My defination of a real friend:

1) Will go to you when you are in need, help you under all circumstances.
2) Will think of you when he/she has problem.
3) Willing to share everything with you.

Its just hard...

I dont think anyone will even wanna find a true friend.. They will just go with any friends they have... yAwn..

Leave a place, leave all friends. No one cares even.

==============================================

Serving God, Jesus Christ. The True and LIVING GOD. Praise the Lord...

Its hard to serve God... When you think of serving God, temptation come. When you know that something is wrong, it will disappoint God yet it fulfills the flesh, you do it...

I'm like that... hAiz.. I wanna SERVE GOD!!! For the Lord is real.. Hallelujah...

JESUS IS ALIVE!!!

2006-04-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

Following God is really tough. There are just so much to bear in following Christ, taking up the cross and denyin oneself... I find it really hard. Being a christian, i have to give up so many things! Sacrifice this and that... I feel that i have miss out alot of fun!!

I do think this way though... Its my thought sometimes when i am tired...

Trials and temptations just come my way... I had just been through one, and the other will come at the rate which you dont even know it.

The Lord is good... He renew my strength everytime i pray to Him. The most important thing that i've learnt is that in any circumstances, PRAY!! For prayer is power. And prayer is the only way to get close to Jesus Christ. But there needs to be faith in prayer, or else it will be like throwing your money into te dustbin, WASTED.

God needs us to trust in Him. If we dont trust in God, what is the point of praying? Or even whats the point of being a Christian? QUIT. But thats not the point. We have to be Christian, one who really trust God.

As christians, we have to do things not to satisfy our flesh. I am still fighting with this problem because i most of the time give in to temptation. But after praying, God renew my strengTh! He is good... We christian should have this in our mind, that in everything we do be it in front of others or in secret, let us to do it to GLORIFY GOD. Let our life be a prayer to God, always strive to be Christ-like. To be pure in our heart and mind and soul. For the Pure in heart SHALL SEE GOD.

So let us to always check ourselves... Its hard, i'm learning. Really very hard.

But let us all learn together and GROW together!!! Praise the Lord!!!

==============================================

I love my Jovin alot!!! She is one who always tolerate my nonsense, forgive me for my wrongs. She doesnt flare... A cool girl indeed~~ haha!!!

DEAR, LET US GROW TOGETHER IN JESUS CHRIST!!! I love you, JESUS LOVES YOU MORE!!

==============================================

God bless all!!

2006-04-17T04:17:00.000-07:00

When living your faith means risking death

(Hartford Courant, The (CT) (KRT) Via Thomson Dialog NewsEdge) Apr. 13--As Christians in the United States happily prepare for their holiest holiday, elsewhere in the world, in incidents reminiscent of Christianity's earliest days, some Christians are risking their safety and even their lives for their religious faith.

Abdul Rahman, an Afghan Christian, recently faced possible execution for the crime of conversion from Islam.

Tom Fox, a member of the Christian Peacemakers Team in Iraq, was kidnapped and murdered there for trying to live his beliefs.

Miroslav Volf, director of the Center for Faith and Culture at Yale, says the safety and ease of worship that most Christians experience in Western nations isn't universal.

"The fact is that most Christians in the world do not live in America," Volf said. "Christianity is really a Third World religion today."

In places where Christians are a minority, Volf said, "they are powerless and suffer persecution. It's very difficult to be Christian in some Middle Eastern countries, in certain places in Africa, or to be a Christian in China."

Rahman, 41, converted to Christianity more than a decade ago, when he was living in Peshawar, Pakistan, and working for a Christian aid group helping Afghan refugees. He later lived in Germany but returned to his home country after the fall of the Taliban. While he was embroiled in a custody battle with his daughters' grandparents, a relative who knew of his conversion apparently reported him to authorities. A Bible was discovered in Rahman's home, and he was charged with apostasy, a crime under Afghanistan's Sharia law.

As Rahman sat in a maximum-security jail, demonstrators called for his execution. But he said he was a Christian and would always remain one.

Under international pressure, the Afghan Supreme Court ultimately dropped the charges against Rahman, saying he was insane and mentally unfit to stand trial. The Italian government offered him asylum, and Rahman secretly left Afghanistan.

"In Kabul, they would have killed me, I'm sure of it," Rahman said when he arrived in Italy, where officials praised him for his courage.

"There is such a contrast between what people are willing to do," said Volf, who founded the center at Yale to study how faith can affect people's daily lives -- and how it sometimes doesn't.

"Some go to church every Sunday, yet their faith doesn't seem to have much impact on the rest of their lives," Volf said. "Then there are others whose lives embody a fairly aggressive form of Christianity."

The Christian Peacemakers -- an organization sponsored by the Mennonite Church USA, the Presbyterian Peace Fellowship and Friends United Meeting -- is dedicated to pacifism and alternatives to war. It places volunteers in places of conflict like Africa, Iraq, Colombia, Haiti and the Palestinian West Bank, as well as along the border between the U.S. and Mexico. Unlike missionaries, the group does not attempt to proselytize or convert. Fox, a 54-year-old Quaker who had been in Iraq for 18 months, was the first Christian Peacemaker to be killed since the organization was founded in 1984, says Claire Evans, delegation coordinator for the group, based in Chicago.

"If soldiers are willing to put their lives on the line for violent peacemaking, we believe we are called as non-violent peacemakers to put our lives on the line for peace," says Evans, who also has spent time in Iraq.

Fox was one of four Christian Peacemakers kidnapped in November and held hostage by a group calling itself the Swords of Righteousness Brigade. He was found murdered in March, but U.S. and British forces rescued the other three -- Canadians James Loney and Harmeet Singh Sooden and 74-year-old Norman Kember of Great Britain.

Some of the Peacemakers' critics are war supporters who view the group's peacemaking efforts as interference, but the Peacemakers don't run from that charge. Part of their motto is "Getting in the way." In Iraq, the group's members live outside the Green Zone and work with Iraqi partners to find detained relatives and otherwise help families affected by the war.

"Tom knew he was risking his life. He was definitely someone who was willing to take that risk," Evans said. "Jesus said, 'Take up your cross, and follow me,' and when you do that, sometimes it leads to crucifixion and death."

The organization has not yet decided when another peacemaker team will be sent to Iraq, she said.

Volf, a Croatian who grew up in Yugoslavia, said he recalls meeting Christian Peacemakers during the war in Bosnia.

Years earlier, he said, he had been beaten and threatened with imprisonment because of his faith."I was very much a pacifist, and [Yugoslavia] had compulsory service; I was interrogated for months and threatened with years in prison."But the call of the Christian faith, properly understood, is to love one's enemies," he said, "to resist evil in such a way that the humanity of the other is redeemed and understanding can be established."